I like it! It's good. It seems like you took depressive elements that occured in yourself and made a world of them. I really like it. Although, the plot isn't very evident yet. However, it is still the first chapter lol. It's really interesting though. It made me think.

A good story, I like how there are different sides. The main character is in the middle it seems, and struggles against both of the other sides. So far the chapters are good, I look foreward to more of your work!

This is an extrememly well done piece so far in my view. Somber but much thought was put into this. I like it! Kepp writing please!

Very effective, particularily the first chapter. I was initially bothered by the level of diction used but as I read it came to suit the story and the character. I assume she is upper class, well educated as far as the society would allow her to be. If she were lower class and uneducated it would be annoying that she spoke as she does. High diction can indicate obnoxiousness and almost always means education. I think you avoided the former and certainly acheived the latter.

Many many dystopia's have been written so be careful that you don't fall into writing something that has been done before. I can't tell from reading this much if it is or not. You really set the mood with your character's musings but I would suggest adding more description. Even five minutes after reading it I can't remember what any of the characters look like or even what the setting looks like. This early in the story that doesn't necessarily make it weak but I think you should add it as you move along. Also a clear explanation of what is going on might be nice. It is not essential, if you want to keep the reader in the dark for a certain reason that will be revealed later. It is kind of frustrating though, you expain parts in passing but never really clearly set out everything.

This sounds like an extremely interesting dystopia, I wish you the best of luck on it.

Alirght, so your dialouge seems to me to be a bit forced, but the falshback was nice.Your main character doesn't seem to be devolped, I may be wrong, but its chapter two and I haven't seen much personalilty. Your writting style is abrupt, which suits this story in darker moments, but i sometimes tired of that pace. Mix it up.Overall though I liked it and put you on author alert

Well, it reminds me of 1984 by George Orwell. That aside;You start off weak but towards the end you get much stronger. In fact, I even want to contine.BTW, this is atc4faa from neopets. If you read one of the stories from my account, read unfortuante rose, the other one is horriable