FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Venustas iaceo 2005-07-09 ch 1,  | abuse'At the time I had just polished off my fifth long neck. I can remember looking at Norm saying, “Hey man, I got a question for you.”' I'm thinking your period there was meant to be a comma, otherwise you've got a sentence fragment. Either way, I actually found this story less funny than most of your stories, but I'm still amused anyways! |
| Alankria 2005-06-08 ch 1, | abuseI checked out your profile and I know you said you hate people who review with banal comments like 'I like!' but I have to admit, 'I like!' is my first response to this. It's witty, for a start, and I can see it happening- well, maybe not the threesome itself, but the thinking processes that add up to it. Some of my male friends score girls. Not only is it witty, but it manages to be crude without being unpleasant. I think some people might be offended by it but they need a sense of humour. And they need to get drunk- even as a girl, I can relate to a lot of what these guys are feeling (more the state of mind, and obviously not the erectile sensations). So well done for letting me, the reader, relate with the narrator. I was keeping half an eye out for faults in this story, as you also said in your profile you want your pieces picked apart, and to be utterly honest I didn't spot any. The narrative and dialogue flowed well, I didn't spot any technical errors.. All I can say is 'Good Job!'. I shall read some more. |
| Arkash 2005-05-26 ch 1, | abuseThis is funny. Even numbers don't behave the way they should. There's a lesson to be learned. Good Job! *_~ |
| Sea Temptress 2005-05-16 ch 1, | abuseThis was really good. And I can definitely see a 3 and a 5 NOT adding up to an 8. The only thing I think you could've changed was "...while the other weighed as much as me..." It wouldn't have mattered too much, except when you wrote "...but when the bed is leaning to one side and the only thing keeping you from rolling off is a huge flabby road block...", it's obvious that this girl is obscenely obese... which would mean this guy is too. So if he's disgustingly large and so is she, he can't really complain, now can he? Because he'd probably just be a 2. But that's the only thing (as long as he's above a 5). |
| falling on deaf ears 2005-05-16 ch 1, | abuseDamn, that was funny. :D |