Very good piece. I like the description, detailed and vivid.

Miller is a convincing character.

Good Job! *_~

I've tried to review your FF writings, "Shadowrun", but the site won't let me. Twice now.

I like how you wrote that. Your description is very vivid -- it gives the reader the feeling that you really WERE there...not just some kid who's seen too many ditchy war plugs like "Pearl Harbor". Your writing's got a good element of realism to it that a lot of stories miss out on. The only thing I wondered is if you really have to do all that explaining at the beginning, especially if you aren’t planning on continuing the story beyond 1 chapter. Are you? I think that this story in particular has a lot of potential to be developed into something more. Let me know if you decide to…

~Teddy