Kickarse chourus I must say :D. I write quite a lot of songs and through observation (and advice) I've found that 'less is more' - just in a few places think of a way to say what you mean using less words - or chop out the words you don't really need. e.g. 'Isn’t it funny how no one sees through my fake smile?'

"Isn’t it funny, no one sees through my fake smile?"or"Is it funny that no one sees through my fake smile?"Or you can just chop the first part and just say"no one sees through my fake smile"

- But if you already have a tune for it don't worry about it :D. I like the overall feel to it anyway.

-Write on!

Nice, Ash-chan. Another great poem/lyric thingie mabob. -pats the demented thingie mabob on the head- Disturbing, but good. Love you, Ash-chan. :)

Nice work!

olas. awesome song, Ash! I even took the time to review! You should feel VERY loved since I'm half asleep. I just got home from the library.

Love ya, Romy

...I like this. I still don't understand why you think you are so bad at writing. It's kinda like me saying Im fat/ugly. You say Im not, but sometimes I wonder. I dunno. I like it. Kinda reminds me of the System of A Down- BYOB video. =) Later.

Ash-chan I love it! It just seems so passionate and I just love it. *claps* Keep writing! Bi.

This is going on my favs. You need to email me at greetingsandsalutations1989@msn.com I'd like to correspond with you... it was amazing...