Hey.. :))
You start off with jumping straight in.. which is a leetle clunky.. but a great way to immerse the reader completely in your characters and story. I like the dialogue.. It's snappy.. :))
Ideally, I'd like to know a little bit of physical descript about your characters.. but that's ok..

And the big bit at the end is ** the eyes.. All in all. Liking it.. a lot.. I hope that you continue it. I will be reading.

xoxox
Eve Lindsey.

I hate you! Upload or I'll use the acme ton!! *waves it around* I swear, I will, I will!!

OI vey. I always get so easily attracted to the yin yang stories. ALWAYS!! (hiss) Anywho, it was good (such a surprise lol) See ya' tommorrow.

Hey!

Yes, I liked the chapter...short...but good nonetheless. Please update soon.

Signed,Yes yes, this is good.

O... a cliffy! (argh..) update soon!

That was good. I really liked the first-person point of view. You did a great job and I hope you continue with it. Thanks for reading my fic, it'll be updated in a few days.

Yes yes, this is good.Kijo-Emiko

wow your story's really, really cool! update soon!!