Wow. First off, it's amazing you know so much about your family history. I don't dare to ask mom and dad. Not only cause of them, but dad's mom and aunt along with mom's dad have passed on. I don't want to remind them, since I know it sure does hurt sometimes. I was close with my grandaunt and spent my summers with her and grandma. Grandma was mostly sick so we didn't get to hang out that much... I still miss them. Those summers were one of my happiest times of my life. Along with not so nice. I've too stolen. But in a way a bit worse than a CD, but from my dad, mom and grandauntie. I didn't want to eat at school, but dad and mom gave me money to pay to the teacher, but I ended up keeping it and buying all sorts of junk food for it. Well, the good thing that came out of it was that now mom gives us money for each day to buy food... As for grandaunt then for some reason I thought she wouldn't notice if a few 100s would go missing from the drawer, where she kept her money. In the end she wasn't too ** off, not that much at all. But the shame... Argh. I feel so bad. I mean, what did I do with that money? Bought doll dresses and spices so we can make stuff in the sandbox, cakes and etc. *rolls eyes* I always stupid.

As for your dad, it's horrible how things turned out. And the fights... Ugh, I luckily only had to hear one. Dad came home after he had left and mom didn't want him to be there. They went into the kitchen and started shouting at each other. My sister and I were in our shared room and brother came to join us. We just all looked at the ground with really dejected and sad expressions. In the end dad came from the kitchen with some milk on his jacket and mom called the police. The police came and asked a few questions and determined that dad had a right to be there, since the divorce hadn't gone through yet. My mom was so mad... I don't really remember what happened after that. I know mu mom was angry since dad took our stuff and everything. Well, it was his, but still. 'We were his children, why would he do that?' I would ask myself. And the other time which was really scary was when we changed the lock, or either had our key in the way, so dad couldn't open the door. Mom had forbidden to let him in. He kept pounding at the door and shouting to let him in. My sis said she went and dad was really ** at her. She urged me to say something too. I was scared that he'll hate me for it too, but I said something. He thought it was my sis and I did not correct him.

I never went to live with my dad. I remember how he was planning a house on my brother's computer. Saying that one day we will all live there. I was going to have the biggest room across the hall from my brother's and sister's. Some peace and quiet. I was looking forward to it. But well, then came the sleeping apart and divorce thing that of course meant we had to choose where we wanted to live. I liked my dad, he wasn't as strict as mom and worrysome. Mom just thinks too much and never allows you to be out late or anything. Especially me since I am the most responsible one *rolls eyes*. But I knew how dad would be. He would make me work for pocket money and would want me to spend my own pocket money for clothes and would not care about fashion, not that I do all that much, but the important thing is that you at least have something cheap to wear, who cares if the things are totally hideous?! So I made it clear I wanted to stay with mom. But I liked to visit. I like my stepmom. She was the first woman of dad's I ever met. My brother and sister had met others and said they hated them, but I never went along when dad wanted to go out. I wasn't into bowling or anything else. It was hard, since he went to the Canary islands with one of those women... I saw pictures. It hurt. By the time Kristin, my stepmom, came around, I didn't object to her. She was nice and well, dad deserved to be happy. My sister and brother disliked her, jealous. I just stayed quiet whenever they talked of her, not wanting to be hit by something or be the object of my sister's dislike. Years had taught me to stay in the background and go as unnoticed as possible. I like her still. My brother visits dad rarely and since stepmom wasn't going to take ** from my sister, they had a bit of a row and sister mostly refuses to come here, to dad's place. Their row wasn't really anything that big, just my sister was rude and Kristin made sure she got the idea that she was a guest here. My sister seemed to think she had the rights to this place just cause dad lived here.

Anyways, off-topic. Meh. It's a habit, since at one point I came to the idea that when you talk, you should back it up with your own experience. Thus the tradition of me talking of me began, lol.

I like it that you've been counselled. I've dreamed about it once. Getting a solution to my problems. But I never had the guts. I am a very closed person so I knew it wouldn't work out that much. And if I went to one myself, I would have to start from some place since I volunteered, right?

I hope your life goes only uphill from now and then. You definitely had a tough life. I was depressed too at one point. I call it the black hole of my life. Once I came out of it, things seemed so much better. Well, they have to be, since every other second I ain't wishing I had the guts to kill myself. I made a decision not to go back there again. So far, so good. But the future seems so uncertain. I hate uncertainty. I have almost no friends and I think of myself as a fake person, only striving for attention and always making myself the victim to get people to symphatize with me or like me or make me feel as if I deserve something, am different or just get attention, I don't know. I don't think I got any real knowledge, though my grades are good, if not very good. I'm ** off that my Estonian is a 4. Otherwise I could have had a chance at a golden medal, not only silver. I hate myself for letting myself go and for not trying enough. Though I know it wouldn't have made much difference since I couldn't do the things the teacher wanted and will want next year. I hate being second best and not the first. I hate that I'm too scared to meet new people. I'm always quiet. I tell myself it's cause no one talks to me, but who knows. They don't. If they would, I got loads to tell. But why would someone make an effort to talk to some loner in the group? I fear new experiences. I think if I would get a job interview, I would cry before I went there, IF I had the courage to show up. I would probably twitch all the time too cause of nervousness. You'd have to sell yourself, they say, but I don't I would make a good employee. I got no experience since I've focused on my school work and I got terrible peronality traits. So, yes, I so look forward to the future.

The point of the last paragraph was to simply make you be grateful you are not a little wuss like me and just how bright and good your future seems to be!

Sorry for the... blabbing. I'm off then. H/D is waiting! Sorry, again, lol.

P.S. I wonder, how's this supposed to be a review? o.O

When I read this, I really thought it was an amazing story. Normally I prefer fantasy or crime, anything but biographies, but I have to say, this is a really cool biography.

Very interesting story.

My parents divorced when I was five. I understand your feelings through having your parents spilt and re-married. I still in those gosh awful teenage years.

I'm semi-addicted to the internet. It's a way of escape...

Again, very interesting and a good insight. :)

hi ya, i like your biography now my understanding of life has become more clear, i like the way you have put key points in your biography, especailly that bum in there got he must have been a looser! im ashamed i even live on the same planet as him, he disgraces me, well i souppose i cant really judge him that mutch, beacause i dont know him, and you did go through quite alot with your parents, well you can only focous on the future, whitch is whitch i have learned to do, well mail me back, and we can chat, or something like that

I liked this, but excuse a rather shoddy review I am rubbish at reviewng stuff unless it's a one word gig like "ace" or "rubbish", I digress.

It was dead interesting to read, to get to know you a little bit more. More so, you're dead interesting as you have done some stuff I still hope to do with my life.

I'm babbling now. Sorry!

hey, yea it's Steve.

Reading this made me understand a bit more, and what you don't know is everything got messed up between us all, so basically every one has practacally seperated in essence and me and Karl are hanging out as he has that bit more sence.

The problem was we both always had issues and saw things in a different shade, maybe a lack of communication or just general understanding of each other, i'm sorry everything got so far out of control, i was partly to blame. well my life is starting to show less of the black and white and more of the colour, i hope yours is to.

really make me empathise, hope everything goes well, steve x