One minor nitpick here; it's 'her/his eyes', not her/his eye's'. Other than that, it was very good. I particularily liked the last four sentences, though - they echoed.

I love the rhythm... I can feel it pulsing in me as I read down the page. This is helped by the short lines. Lovely imagery. I'm happy to see your work again. ^_^

P.S. Thanks for the review. I've really dug myself a hole with this story though...

Oh... and if you review my new thing, please try to remember it's just poking fun... I would hate to offend you or anyone... #~_~