Hey, this isn't half-bad, don't be so tough on yourself. You wrote this in Social Studies? This is really good for something written during the middle of school. I like the style of this writing--you really get into the character's head and follow their train of thought. You never really explain why there's so much blood on her hands, which hooks the reader in, an it seems like this chapter wants a follow up, explaining the girl's predicament and past. (Bonus Point: she's got great taste in music!) I also like the fact that the paragraphs seem substantial, even on fictionpress, which seems to make even long paragraphs seems short. Your description is pretty good as well; instead of miring the story in adjectives describing everything, you choose the right word that describes what's going on perfectly. The story's only shortcoming, as far as I can see, is that it's short. Personally, I'd like to see more of this character if you ever get the old pen out and try updating. Let me know if you add a chapter.