SWEET!!

*suspicious look* there better be a sequel somewhere... XD

:) CD

Hiya there hun, I read it like you asked and here is my proffesional view:

Its a nice storyline, but you gave too much away, your characters don't appear to have any 'real' weaknesses and they win too easily which makes the end rather dull (apart from the near-death, I liked that a lot).

Also I think your chars could show more emotion at times, they still appear childish in their actions (but then again I don't know their age so...). Good names, nice descriptions but a few punctuation mistakes.

I also think you could have made this a lot longer with possibly a flashback scene to when Tori and Karu's parents died.

*snuggles* ANd thee were no pirates! an outrage! :P~Sophsters

Yes it definatly needs to change. I thought this was action and adventure, but oh well u did a good job pulling me in.

i think you should change the, genre i dont see much action adventure i see more romance than that.

Hm i like mini serious better. ! This is another great chapter, and now the dioulogue is getting to repetive. Switch it up a little.

Sasuke-Kun

Lol more great dilouge. Man these are some fast kids these days. kisses on like the second day they meet. THis story has great potiental.

Sasuke-kun

What are you crazy this chapter is great. Man and it has some comedy in it. Yes diolouge is your strongest point,lol you write just like me, but your charecter detail can be overlooked since it's in the first person mode. This chapter gets a 9/10.

Sasuke-kun

Hey dude whats up! This is sasuke-kun from the limitbreaker we have like 5 members so i just wanted to clear that up. Great job, i'ts a cute easy to read story and it's faced paced which is always good. Reminds me of saliour moon which is also a plus. i didnt see any errors so thats another plus. I give this chapter a 10/10 man glad i didnt over look this story casue its great.

Sasuke-kun

Marvelous! But I truly feel you could've expanded this. You know, draw it out, no make things so cut-and-dry quick. I feel that way with your other stories, too. They just seem to progress a little too quick. Well, ta!

What a great fic! I really enjoyed it, although I didn't have time to review it until just now. I hope you write more adventures to this fic! I really like the personalities of the characters in this! I can't wait for more adventures!

**Heart of the RubyFire**

I KNEW IT!

NO TORI!!

..at least he lives. That's good.

Can there be a sequel?

NO!!

It was Tori wasn't it!?

If it is, I just might cry my eyes out if he dies.

I'll get ready for my 'NO TORI!' cries.

NOO!!

The ending must not be near!

NO!!

Yah! I'm right! I have such a good brain. XD

Hmm..This reminds me of a drama. Will she find out? Dun dun dun!

Update soon!

I love your story so far, but maybe you should try to be more descriptive of the action?