Great job. I'm looking foward to more. AND UPDATE CANDY AND VIOLENCE

That's two characters for the Tatakai! Woo-hoo! Hitomi and Kuzume (I think i got the name right) should be great additions to the 'Manga Battle To End ALL Battles'! But, enough about our Group projects and let's move on to the reivew. Wow, it's a bit on the short side, isn't it? From what I read, Hitomi is pretty cool and very intriguing. And I understand what you mean about using 'non-contractions' so that's not a problem. Hm, the things I said about 'BLEACHed' hold very ture here. You need to take more time editing as you go and not worry about getting it posted until YOU are satisfied with the final product. That's the main problem that I notice with all of your works, Yinny. They all seemed to be rushed or hurried in some way. They all have innumerable mistakes and questionable grammar usage. Now, I'm not trying to be a prick or anything - I think we've known each other or at least have been reviewing each other long enough to know that I'm only trying to help you get better. All I'm saying, since no one else seems to be willing, is that you need to proof read your work better before posting. As I said before, little mistakes like bad grammar, misspelled words and so on can really screw over what could be a good story. Case in point here and with 'BLEACHed'. Please don't hate me for saying this, Yinny. I just want you to get better. I know that script-writing is your forte, but that doesn't mean you can't try to improve your standard writing formats. I hope that you gain a little insight from my words here...

See you next review!

Terryll Preston, still2twisted of FictionPress fame...