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| arachibutyrophobia 2005-08-20 ch 1, | abusefelt a bit choppy, i fagree that the transition should not be with 'flashback' and 'end flashback', also, ** more details in the 'present' time, because there's a lot of dialogue but otherwise readers have no idea whats going on and no feeling of the environment or anything. i noticed it's been a while since you posted this... please update soon. if you need good stories, look around at people's fav list. if you visit my prof and loo under my fav. authors and randomly click one, there's bound to be a good story there ^^ if you want a specific story, do ask and maybe i know of one that might interest you. once again. update!e |
| felinefairy91 2005-07-19 ch 1, anon. | abuseOOH! continue! Or else i shall not hesitate to tell you that i know where you live! |
| Scraper 2005-07-04 ch 1, | abuseHmm... Shows promise. Pretty interesting. But there seems to be trouble with your flashback portion. It's rather irksome to read "FLASHBACK" and then "END OF FLASHBACK". You should try and make a smoother transition. |