Hi again,

CC: "Kithaeme's ears, concentrated on the gentle sound of Sadie's deep breathing, [picked] up on the revving car..."

That was interesting. Now you have to continue because I want to know what happened.

Good job!! *_*

In the first scene of Phil, perhaps you should use more randon numbers, like 2466, 980, 48, and such. Rounded number of ships, like 2500, 10, 50, sound a bit contrived.

Nice touch, the two girls becoming friends. I liked the interaction between Kithaeme and Sadie, sounded natural.

Good Job!! *_*

So now they're all headed for Earth. Sounds like a good plot, so much can happen.

I see that Phil already has doubts about Kithaeme's race.

Good Job!! *_*

Unto the next one.

Okay, I see some sci-fi cliches here, like lasers as ranged weapons, and a stereotype of an alien race. I have done a column with some advice to sci-fi writers (see my profile).

PS- NE indeed had some formatting problems. Try adjusting font size.

'K. The time-thing, seven years, DEFINITELY not getting across until now. No idea it had been that long.

Blah.

Okay, fine, so you said 'Seven Years Later' at the beginning of Chapter One, but do I payt attention to little, regular font blurbs? NO! Italicize it, bold it, underline it, combo it, whatever. DRAW ATTENTION TO IT.

And btw, 'Years' and 'Later' should not be capitalized and there you are again RIGHT THERE seeing EVERYTHING I'm writing...

GRGRGR!

Anyway.

BB- Arej

Here I am again, in compy class, sitting RIGHT BESIDE YOU, and reviewing with you looking OVER MY SHOULDER OR SIDE OR WHATEVER YOU CALL IT and seeing EVERYTHING I WRITE so the whole point of reviewing is COMPLETELY LOST except to boost your ego which happens alot anyway so I do NOT SEE THE POINT IN THIS.

There. Happy? I reviewed. Oh, shut up, Wil.

Rawr. There's not much to say. All questions answered - stop laughing at me - all other stuff done and everything finished blah blah blah or at least it seems that way. STOP LAUGHING!

Anyway. No problems, no trouble, nice delivery, blah blah blah the typical 'great job now if you don't write more I'll kill you' crap. Which is true.

XP

BB- Arej

GAH!

You shall pay, my sister, you shall pay... grgrgr. Rawr. Anyway. If I want to destroy you, I can, because you're sitting RIGHT BESIDE ME so the whole reviewing thing is kind of POINTLESS because I can just turn to you and ask my question!

Well, except to boost your ego.

Anyway. This'll all come up in a phone call / bouncing party later.

BB- Arej

Another great chapter :) No complaints at all...

I wonder why the Martians were fighting over Kithaeme... seems silly of them to be risking their lives in battle just to get Kithaeme. Hm. There is probably more to this then meets my eye, huh? :P Anyway, keep it coming!

I gtg now, but I think I will start on one of your other stories soon... hopefully on the weekend, I dunno, we'll see. Bye for now, and take care. :)

Back! Sincerest, most deepest apologies about not reviewing sooner... (did I mention that university is crazy? I tell everybody that, it's my favourite excuse). No really, I've been 'tremely busy lately... but I'm here now, and reading this is what really counts, right? Not to mention reviewing it :P

Up with the curtain!

Done! Well, I gotta say that I really liked the chapter. Not too much happened, but it was kinda nice... charming, I guess. It was good to see another side of Kithaeme's character, even though I knew she was a nice person, I like her all the more seeing how she was with Sadie.

Reading on...

I did wonder about one thing- why wasn't Paul wearing his uniform when he first met Kitha? And, also, he would probably wear military clothes all the time on his ship. But, there are one than one kinds of uniform. His one with the stars on it would be his dress uniform, used for formal occasions (parades, awards ceremonies, official things, stuff like that). He would have a less formal uniform that he would have worn when he met Kitha, and would have worn all the time on the ship. If he ever actually fought, he'd have combat gear too, but it's unlikely that a General would have combat gear (of a flight suit, for a fighter plane).

Other than that error, this chapter was fine. I still wonder what is going to happen next. It seems there is more than one plot line now - Sadie's story, the war, and Kitha's parents. Most intriguing. Write more soon!

And R&R the chapters of Painted Angels that you haven't read :P Also, I'm editing/reposting One Finger on the Trigger, and have only got the prologue up so far - check that out and R&R. I'd like some of your feedback on that story :D

Very interesting.

Kitha is a sweet character, no wonder Phil is fond of her.

So her family is coming, hm.

Good job. *_*

My first thought was... finally!! Yay!

Okay, here goes the review... Anything in square brackets is my suggestion.

'Kithaeme sat in the same place that she had gone to [on] the day of the contact.' I think that makes this sentence a little clearer; it took me two or three reads to understand it.

I would like to know how he can test how many ships in the universe at one time. It seems so unlikely that some explanation is needed. Also, maybe narrow the parameters a little, to near-universe. The universe is probably infinite, so there could be inifite number of ships out there.

And after that I got sucked in. I like this Sadie girl- I'm glad Kitha has a friend, and now I hope that Sadie will be okay, that her evil foster 'parents' won't try to take her back. Also, the twist about the war was interesting.

May the next update come soon. As for me, I hope to update RP either today or tomorrow.

This is a very nice beginning.

I like the girl, Kithaeme, and her name. I think she could use a bit more description on her physical appearance, though.

Oh, and Phil seems like a decent sort.

It's so typical that we land dwellers eat everything.

Nice work!! *_*

Great chapter! Lots of explanation to help colour the background, and I found it quite interesting all the same.

Nothing serious in here that I noticed. Not even any sp's :P.

Alright, I'm wondering: if Kithaeme is so powerful that she could wipe out Earth's population (according to Phil's conjectures), then why is she worried about her two parents? If they're even more powerful then Kithaeme is, why would they worry about the UGE's scientists capturing them or something worse?

Just a thought, but I still think this story is great, and you should continue :), even if it's for the sake of me desparatly wanting to know what's going to happen :D.

Waiting for the update...

Hello,

"Phil leaned over the water and slapped is hand against it twice" - 'is' should be his'.

This is probably just Personal Preference, but the President's rise in anger against Phil seemed kind of sudden. They were talking coyly for a bit, and then suddenly the President got mad. It doesn't seem very realistic to me. Perhaps if the increase in tension was more gradual?

Whoa, that ball of water was pretty cool! :D Right into the President! And I bet that's just the tip of the iceberg, where her powers are concerned.

Awesome, the Lundaarins are coming >:). I was wondering when the two civilisations would have a clash. Now it looks like it's going to happen *starts making popcorn*.

Great chapter, keep up the good work!