FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Covin 2005-07-09 ch 1, anon. | abuseKind of has a sing-songy feel to parts of the time. Some of the rhymes were too cliche to be enjoyable (ie night and light, way and say), but probably helped convey the message. Don't change your words just to fit your scheme; i used to write based one whatever would rhyme with the next word and once i found a word i liked, i would force it into whatever line the rhyme scheme designated it--that made for some bad poetry. lol This piece is not your best, certainly not you at your worst. But i feel that the rhymes dampen what it could be, despite being well written. |
| woodstock1969 2005-06-14 ch 1,  | abuseGood job conveying the message and still using a good rhyme scheme! That's hard to do, trust me, I've tried. Nice work. |
| Some Random Reviewer 2005-06-14 ch 1, | abusenice, but im not sure it would really go like that in real life... his friend breaking their pact and converting to christianity might just strengthen his reasolve to be a satanist, to shock his friend and make him jealous... something like that, maybe. |
| dustytiger 2005-06-06 ch 1, | abusenot what i'm usually into, but i liked it, good work, thank you for sharing |