I forgot to add you to author alert on my new account! >.<
So, so, so sorry Twisted-sama!

Either way, I've just recently begun reading your "Over Latte" series [or should I say re-reading?] and I must say I enjoy it thus far. There's one thing I must really compliment you on...I do believe this is the first story I've read with a "candy-raver" in it. Kudos to that, mostly because I think they're cute, even though when I -tried- dressing like that once, it looked awful on me. =(

wow. I can't say I've ever met a fmaily like that. lol. Maria's pregnat? oh man...

what a great story! I can't remember the last time I read this. sorry for my absence.

yey! you mentioned Ryuk. even if it was an insult, lol.

MASTER!

What an amazingly condensed chapter. I mean, it was pretty long, but holy ** so much to take in, in such a short time. I think the Sloan family was exremely to the power of 1 billion well characterized. Each one of them had their own voice and each one of them had their own style of anger/tension. And oh the tension, my God, so much hate and verbal violence! It's depressing, but so intriguing. Anyone who is a proffesional writer will say that tension is what captivates readers, not good style, prose, description, or plot devices. Tension. And hell, this is a testament to that! I was on the edge of my seat the whole dialogue through! Which I might add, was working the better than expected triple time, voice and tone, and then charaterization too. Nat was the voice of frenzied disbelief, May was one of ignorance, Lily of rebellious attitude, and Jake of reason. And man, it's really hard to put a finger on Jake though. The family has been pretty much from Nat's perspective until they were characterized during the dialogue. So as a reader sided with Nat's voice, I'm to assume Jake is this jackass dickhead piece of snob ** lol, but I'm trying to be unbiased. And it's not working lol! I keep thinking the guy has hidden ulterior motives! ** I want to know if I shouldn't trust him like Nat says! And lol, the mother is a nice addition and the father too. The father's friendly attitude just addes another whole new dimension of person while the mother does as well. I'm really suprised at how different and unique the characters are. And very nice foreshadowing. I was reading the last two-ish pages almost skimming. As soon as the mother hinted at that secret she mentioned early, I found myself grinning from ear to ear while leaning closer. I so wanted to find out what the hell she was, as Nat put it, GLOWING about! Lol! Pregnant! Whudda thunk it! I loved this chapter, and I'm kinda glad it was all dedicated to just their family. Very little referance to Becca...or that other guy. omg I forgot his name. Ashe or something? haha!

Ok, so now that you have wonderfully shown who the hell the Sloan family is, I better hear more about them as the story goes on! The characters are all so interesting, the whole family, that it would be a disappointment, nay! disgrace! not to see them come up repeatedly! Awesome! Wahahaha!

Yay! So here's the full version! ^_^ Geez, that family is so crazy and even a tad creepy. Also, it makes me sad to see them fighting like that. *hugs Nat* But yeah, I'm expecting interesting evolutions after Mary's great news.

Becca heavy is definitly right. But that's not a problem, I really liked Becca's character a lot, err, past tense, I still do lol. The mental first-person pov summary was cool since we had been getting it through Ashe's perspective for the most part. After reading it, I had a feeling the chapter would be centered around Becca. Hell! Ashe became a referance in this chapter lol, I thought he was the main character! Anyway, the beginning was cute in terms of Nat and Becca's playful nature. Becca is still the bossy world of a women her character has become and Nat is funny in her own way because she's really supportive of Becca but has gracious hints of being more than just a plaything to the cowgirl. With that said, damn did cute become devilish. The tone definitly took a turn for the dirty and naughty.

I take back what a said earlier though, it just dawned on my meager mind that descriptions and images are more than just colores and shapes. This chapter was heavy with descriptions, sprinkled through and between the dialogue for an incredibly powerful hit akin to a head against a brickwall. The verbs and very sensual movements of the entire...thing, just screamed imaginitive recreation. I'd really like to know what happened to Becca in regard to her constant worry over Midland. It's so secretive and dark, I don't even want to imagine would it could be for fear of depressing myself. Apparently, whatever it is has to be extremely poignant to her else, I just won't feel like I could sympahtize. But it's tantalizing no doubt. I get the willies just thinking of the unfortunate situation in which Nat would learn about it. Assuming...some kind of situation like that occurs. Anyway, Nat is also has a few secrets of her own, from the reader anyway. She and Becca seem to be at odds with her family (aside from Ma I guess, since from her silent conversation on the phone seemed nice) but that Jake guy, what an **! lol, wouldn't know, just cheering Becca on again. I'm really do hope more bits and pieces of her family crop up later in the story. Also, it'd be nice to see what becomes of the whole "Becca fears Midland" thing that pops in and out. Also, poor Ashe, what is he doing in all this. And that Elijah guy, I wonder what kind of person he'll end up being. Ooh, and what about Jhetta! I wonder what kind of girl she is! But from the way Becca keeps talking to her, did she and Jhetta have a fling or is that purely metaphorical?

This type of story, (no action, lot o drama, romance, and more drama) isn't my cup of tea, but like that other other guy said, it's really nice to having something to fall back on when action just gets repetative. This is a great piece of fiction with some really well laid out characters. It would be a shame to let them die like this, you really should try and see how much farther you can take this story. Good luck in the future, and I promise I'll catch up one day! I'm trying to do my own drama romance, but it sucks. Terrible. It sucks eggs like non other. Hopefully, I can model it after this and fix its inherent problems.

Good luck with your future chaps!

Sakka-Fenikkusu already said it, but I'll said it again, 'cause of its true...

Anyway, Becca's accent is a little southern heavy, which at times slows down my read when I have to try and distinguish the words in my head. Sakka's suggestion seems like a wise choice too. Like, the part where she really gets into the cowgirl mode, that works perfectly, she was exagerating that and it was really well done.

On the other notes, the characters were really well done. Loved them to death. Becca was such a great character. Very bossy, very headstrong, and a damn strong-willed women. And from her voice, which wasn't just southern strong, but emotionally charged too (she's really really charismatic imo), I wanted to give her a shout. Also, because the majority of Lizzie was said through her mouth, I really got the impression of Lizzie being a total **. I was cheering behind Becca all the way throwin' my two cents in and everythang! Anyway, I guess a wandering question would be if Lizzie really is ** or if Becca is just exagerating or jealous or something. Maybe not jealous so much as angry that the situation happend in the first place. Ashe is also a pretty good character, not as dramatized as Becca (for now) and his reactions were pretty charged too. But the beginning part was pretty much all Becca. I didn't get the joke about Nevada-tan but then I don't excel in social facts and figures. That might be why some of the celebrity name drops didn't seem that funny to me. But also, great work on the summarizing and background stuff through dialogue between Ashe and Becca. It's great to know the situation regarding two characters, but its innovative and creative to do it all through scene and not summary. Or, most through scene anyway. The dialogue was really heavy, in a good way, and as long as I followed along, I felt like I understood everything that was happening.

The little first person narrations are excellent for summarizing the long boring things that happen between scenes and are perfect. I'm really glad you threw them in there. And the pov change was an interesting touch too.

Ah, the next section. the Becca and Natalie encounter was pretty funny. I felt like I could sympathize with Ashe because there's nothing worse than hanging out with friends when their bf/gf starts sucking their faces in front of the rest of you like a sideshow your buddies paid for. Go. But the best part of all, which I laughed very loudly and then felt bad right after, was definitly the DnD part. Just to pretend to defend myself, I only thought they were talking dirty, heavy with implied (or rather, maybe my mind implied it), sexual or plausibly sexual inferances, because the previous summary was about Becca and Natlie face sucking when they met each other. So...I was totally not thinking about what was really happening despite what was really happening. But as soon as the player's guide came out, I almost pulled a real life fall-with-legs-in-the-air. I'd love to put this tidbit on my profile page, but sadly, its a bit long. But my God was it great. I have new respect for DnD because of how you referanced it. You have my eternal kudos.

Ah, now for the Ashe characterization. When Becca made that joke, and he turned away, I started feeling a little of it. And then when he broke down, I'll admit, I felt it was a little overdone, kinda melodramatic. But then, I started thinking about it. I've never liked someone for seven years, so I wouldn't know how that felt. But what I do understand is time. I understand time, living, and wasting life very well. Seven years is a long time, and even if I couldn't sympathize with him for loving and losing after seven years, I could imagine working hard at something for seven years and then having it slip through your fingers and disappear forever. That, was pretty heavy. But what made it really emotional was how Becca and Natalie reacted to the situation. Suddenly, it didn't become so melodramatic as tearfully pathetic and true. I mean pathetic with a positive connotation. I got the warm fuzzies all over and even felt my face scrunch up. It was a really great scene to end at. Just this single chapter with some minor additions could be a wonderful short short about starting a new life. More importantly, this is an excellent way to introduce a story about life.

It saddens and depresses me that I can only enjoy this story for one more chapter, but I'm really surprised at how different it is from your other ones. I was fully expecting to lecture you on how you might go overboard with some of the poetry of descriptions, but damn, there was no trace of that here. I didn't even care. I was so caught up in the moments of the dialogue and situation, I didn't even notice surronding descriptions were lacking. I'm going to go out on a limb here and pretend that I learned something from my creative writing class (which I totally passed with a B this semester, which totally means I can move onto greater and better things, which totally means my critiques actually might have merit now!) but anyway I digress, I was just going to say that amateur writers don't use enough description. Better writers use more descriptions, but better amateur writers use too much description. I think you've jumped another level above me. Your story is so strong, it didn't need the images. And I think that's the sign of writer on a higher level. One that leaves behind the overt descriptions for a more intense focus on story elements, and character descriptions that aren't external, but internal instead. Once again, I find my abilities trailing yours.

The length of my review is directly proportional to my level of respect for you. lol.

This is a nice story, and I can see some of the advanced techniques you use here and there. (And the D&D thing was very amusing.) But there are a couple of things I would change.

The first would be Becca's accent. I can understand that she speaks in a Southern accent, but I could just as easily understand it with only one or two accented words in each sentence, instead of making it almost unreadable. I'm not saying to take away the accent, just tone it down a little bit.

I also think that in the second italic section, you should probably use a little less similes. They take attention away from what you're saying and to their extremities.

Otherwise, it was a nice first chapter and I'll definitely get to the next one ASAP.

Sincere-a-diffaly,

Sakka-Fenikkusu

Yay! You updated! ^_^ Okay, technically, I knew you were going to update this story, but still, yay!

It's a cool chapter and it's always nice to see yuri in a story (even though I prefer yaoi, but yuri is great too).

What I love in this story, and in all of your stories, in fact, is the amount of details you put in them. I'm thinking especially of the slogan on the T-shirt, it made me grin. You're very good at these little touches of humour. :-)

Also, don't say bad things about Ryuk, he rocks! :-P

aw. the ending was kinda sad. good story though.

hey good story I really liked it and it was so good I just cant imagine it not having a good ending! I hope you write more stories and keep up the good work for your loving fans!(lol) I know you can write better then that and to put it in good words.Well I g2g so I'll send some more reviews and I hope you write some more poems and stories

Ashley

i don't usually read into this kind of genre. however, with a little overdose of asian dramas myself... on a spree with h2, summer snow, my sassy girl, and lunch queen. i find myself stumbling around the end of my summer, escaping masive piles of homework threatening to drown me even with my fervent efforts to poke and slash with my katana... and so i am here. reading this wonderfully delighful piece. and it ensues some kind of unfelt feeling. very avant garde style. always, am very thankful for the pleasure and without doubt interesting read. i hope this continues. the story and character although a little on the cliche side, are all very potent and stand alone. the complex is that the story is addicting and in that aspect i plead that you will write more. expecting and finding nothing short of what anything that needs to be changed about the story and thus summing to two words: pure perfection. i find nothing wrong with saying thank you and please without adieu. ^^

kakyou

col, i like ur stori

Woot! The end made me kinda sad. I like.