|Reviews for Coming Home Again|
| pianogal 7/16/05 . chapter 18
hey, i'm actually reading the sequel to this as you know and i reviewed the last chapter. in that chapter you asked if anyone noticed the mistake you made. i couldn't think of it when i reviewed but then i went and took a shower and i'm one of those people who remembers random things when i'm in the shower. anyways i remembered something that had bothered me. it was the fact that in Coming Home Again Garrett was a doctor and a part time ranch hand. in this story i don't think there was any mention of him being a doctor and now they have money problems. i don't know if this is the mistake that you were looking for but it bothered me and i was just wondering about it. i had to post this here because you didn't have your email in your profile and i had already reviewed so i couldn't review again.
| jabber jaws 6/27/05 . chapter 17
I like the second idea about garret and ali spliting and finding out about the pregnancy.
| pianogal 6/27/05 . chapter 17
i think you should definetely do a sequel and i think out of these i liked number two the best. number one seemed a little too perfect and i don't want number three cause i don't want to hear anything else about jeff. anyways i definetely like number two because it has the potential for conflict, drama, and maybe a happy ending.
| TaurusGirl7 6/25/05 . chapter 16
great story! the last chapter was probably your best :P
if you wanted to do a sequel, you could always do it on the twins (you know, where they fall in love?)
anywho, good luck!
| tawnyfawn 6/24/05 . chapter 1
The premise of this story is a really good idea... But what a cliffhanger!
I like Allison, she seems cool, and I loved the line, 'Allisonhad enjoyed the hustle and bustle of New York and shehadseenher share of the wild life; which had nothing to do with furry and cute little animals.' Classic stuff! P
Oh, and one thing: sometimes you haven't spaced the words properly, so it had words that run on into each other. Kindoflikethis. P Anyway, that was the only problem I saw.
Anyway, keep it up.
| pianogal 6/24/05 . chapter 15
awe, that was so cute. it was really funny how Garrett took the kids while Ali was day-dreaming about him. the part where Ali was telling him about the other guy she had met made me laugh too. good job and i'm interested to read more of your stories.
| TaurusGirl7 6/22/05 . chapter 14
aww... garret it so sweet...so its over now? i kinda liked the ending actually.
good luck with your other stories!
| TaurusGirl7 6/22/05 . chapter 13
it was a little too fast, but thast okay. it would have been more enjoyable if you brought out the labor becasue child birth takes about... 20 hours. the twin idea was original... it was very cool too
but anywho, i hope the story isnt over yet... update soon!
| pianogal 6/22/05 . chapter 13
oh, its so sad that her mother died. the twins may have been just a bit much but its okay and i really like how you had Garrett deliver the babies, that was really cute. hope to read more soon.
| TaurusGirl7 6/20/05 . chapter 12
uh oh! that doesnt sound particularily good!
so you updated 2 chapters at one time huh? pretty good of ya ;)
| pianogal 6/20/05 . chapter 10
i think the skip ahead a few months was a good choice. there wasn't too much to talk about earlier in her pregnancy but a few months later gives time for some problems or fears to surface and stuff like that. i liked the chapter and i think Garrett is so sweet for being such a good friend.
| TaurusGirl7 6/19/05 . chapter 10
it was very interesting with the jumping ahead thing... but it was okay... i only detected a couple mistakes (well actualy things i would change if i was writing the story) but they really dont matter so im just going to say great chapter! i was a little on the short side but thats okay!anyways, dont forget to update soon!
| arachibutyrophobia 6/18/05 . chapter 9
hmm, i would think she would be a lot more upset about it, and if jeff wsas really that awful, she probably would have said soemthing to get her family to help protect her...
| pianogal 6/18/05 . chapter 9
hey, i really like this story so far. i think you have a really good idea going and i can't wait to see what happens next.
| TaurusGirl7 6/18/05 . chapter 9
chapter... she cant give the baby up! it wouldnt be fair to the baby...
your writing is improving slowly, and its still very good, but i personally think just a little more emotion could go into the story... but thats just me you understand. i dont think i saw any misused or "abnormal" words... which is good! :P:P:P:P but some of them definatley could have been used better.
and since you asked, ill give you an example: "...she said wanting to get out of the high tension room as soon as possible." the high tension part could work if you worded it maybe a bit better, but its clear as to what your saying. i would suggest maybe getting someone to proofread your work (i know im always saying that) but since your the one who wrote it... well people unsually tend to overlook thier mistakes becasue they already know how the story is going to work out, or what theyre trying to say.
"Bobby said grabbing Allison and pulling her into a hug" this sentence is fine, but you just have to work on your tenses; "Bobby said AS HE GRABBED alison and PULLED her into a hug" do you see the difference? not a very big one, but its easier to read this way. you can use it your way sometimes, but you just be careful the way you word it.
(sorry im very critical and picky...)
"she yelled slapping his arm and running out the door" this is an example where you could use 'ing' instead of 'ed'... it works this way. sometimes it depends on the dialogue you use, or the tone of your story.
i know im not the greatest writer either, anything i write always turns out wrong... but i do know how to critique...
so there could be a few more tiny mistakes, but i think you get the jist of what im saying.
and hey, if you ever want something to read... you can look up my stories... they are just dying for reviews!
anywho, update soon and keep in mind that no matter what anyone says.. you are a good writer, so dont let flames or nasty comments get to you:P