FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Exquisitely 2005-10-12 ch 1,  | abuseHmm, the middle reminds me of Amanda's winning commonwealth essay; was it your inspiration? I really like the analogies you used and your wonderful vocabulary does wonders to the descriptive bit of the story. (: |
| moonarised polane 2005-08-01 ch 1, | abusehmn not bad a piece the ending was good, though the middle a little cringeworthy? yeah. good try though |
| The Proxy Ninja 2005-06-28 ch 1, | abuseI really love to read short stories. This is the first one I've read off your site, and that poem with all the reviews at the top. Lol. But I really liked it- I didn't find it cliche at all; especially when it didn't milk all the sentiments and dwell on one person. It's very realistic of Asian culture to think about the whole family. I should know. |
| Cyssel 2005-06-17 ch 1, | abuse"Fixatedly" is a word. ^^ |
| gold against the soul 2005-06-17 ch 1, | abuseJust one thing: 'fixatedly' - it sounds a bit clumsy. Is it a word?Apart from that, I thought this showed considerable empathy and imagination. You described the scene fluently, and the character you portrayed seemed real, which is more than a lot of people do on here. Well done. Keep on writing, your prose is as good as your poetry. |
| magicbubble 2005-06-13 ch 1, | abuseGood piece! Really absorbing. I just read on and on. But the part about her family sort of spoiled it halfway again coz it's, as they say, cliched. But its compensated for by the imagery. Just the front seems so descriptively powerful and the end was less so. Perhaps your intention but it doesn't end with a strong impact? Keep up the good work! |
| omii 2005-06-10 ch 1, anon. | abusewell done. it's a good way of re-presenting a cliche yay. |