Hmm, the middle reminds me of Amanda's winning commonwealth essay; was it your inspiration? I really like the analogies you used and your wonderful vocabulary does wonders to the descriptive bit of the story. (:

hmn not bad a piece

the ending was good, though the middle a little cringeworthy? yeah.

good try though

I really love to read short stories. This is the first one I've read off your site, and that poem with all the reviews at the top. Lol. But I really liked it- I didn't find it cliche at all; especially when it didn't milk all the sentiments and dwell on one person. It's very realistic of Asian culture to think about the whole family. I should know.

"Fixatedly" is a word. ^^

Just one thing: 'fixatedly' - it sounds a bit clumsy. Is it a word?Apart from that, I thought this showed considerable empathy and imagination. You described the scene fluently, and the character you portrayed seemed real, which is more than a lot of people do on here. Well done. Keep on writing, your prose is as good as your poetry.

Good piece! Really absorbing. I just read on and on. But the part about her family sort of spoiled it halfway again coz it's, as they say, cliched. But its compensated for by the imagery. Just the front seems so descriptively powerful and the end was less so. Perhaps your intention but it doesn't end with a strong impact? Keep up the good work!

well done. it's a good way of re-presenting a cliche yay.