You Are absolutely Brilliant!

Wow! I LOVED it! This was a great story! It was perfect. You did a great job. I hope you write another story like this.

By the way, I tried to go to the link in your profile for chapter 8, (I believe) and I can't access it. It said that the site was no longer there. Is there another way or link that I can read?

Thanks so much :)

Dear Moon,

Gosh I'm not sure where to begin. I guess I should start by saying that I by no means am a great writer, but that if we as a community here on FP wish to improve then we have to be honest with ourselves and each other.

Slap Im really not aiming to be harsh. This story has so much potential. The dairy tale qualities it posses with the arranged marriage and kingdom on the verge of collapse are old cliches masterfully brought to life by new characters and an interesting plot. That being said, there's so much here that you could have done, but didn't.

The dialogue needs help, both the characters conversations and the narration.

We need more description, more explaination. What exactly is the prince and how really did she become what she is? Why are two worlds falling apart? I mean, these questions could go on forever, there's so much you left in explained.

My dear, what you have here is a first draft. The bones of a story that could develope into something amazing, and intriguing. Being out the prince and princesses relationship, make us truly gate the villian, before he kills Amor's child. Give us characterization.

My advice? Aim to add two to three thousand words in each chapter. Thicken the plot, no need to add more twists and turns, just elaborate on what you have.

This book could be a novel, but it isn't, and it shows. Give us something great.

I know you can.

Best of Luck,

Adrian St Claire

Ps please write me back or contact me with questions, comments concerns anything. I would love to be your beta.

WELL. I gotta say that was an interesting story there hun. Over all, I liked it, Vita's a bit of a bitch though. lol I didnt really like how some things in the story were described But that's just your writing style, every body is different.:D Mine suck,(From what I've been told by ass holes here on fanfic)I took down my lesbian one, because my teacher saw it, and was like. um wtf... It was a bit um lets say, even more descriptive in certain areas of action...

lol I understood calling Vita the Prince, it shows her to be the more dominant one, the the pregnancy thing didn't really make a whole lot of sense with them being lesbians,. BUT I think I could just not have been paying close attention to it. Anyway, I think if you made a little deeper it would be even better.

And, do you have a myspace? Becasue you seem cool. Like really. And your a lesbian so, I can add you to the Rainbow Apocalypse I'm having in the future.

XD reply pwease?

Thanks girlie!

very good, but i recoomend an editor

ciao

sam

aw this a good story but how was Vita able to get Amor pregnant if Vita was a girl?

aw, damn! fucking great! amazing, really.

SEQUEL! SEQUEL! .

like, reincarnation or AU, whatever! Can't get enough of your story!

brilliant stuff.

hahahaha! God, they have sex a lot!but hey, who's complaining?

Aw damn it, i freaking love this chap! nice! very nice!

wha- i can't believe i'm actually crying...

holy shit. I love this chap!good stuff... very good stuff.

aw... how cute! I love how they meet! *jumps around then reads next chapter*

That was one of the best chapters yet! I practically got chills. I hope the next one is up soon. Keep it up!

You know this story is awesome very strong!hm... I don't trust that Lazar either, hope Vita rips him apart *evil growl*You know it really SUCKS 'we' can't put in intense Lemon *roll eyes annoyed*Anyway way to go,hope you update real soon