*takes breath* The imagery was at times confusing and/or not clear in places.

The main example I can give is in the first and second couplets. I understood the visual in the first couplet. But then as I got to the end of the second, I lost the visual.

I don't exactly see the significance of the "...pure whitened baby with red skin and a golden beak..." The "golden beak" is what threw me off. Sorry.

And I do agree with anonymous and moonarised polane. The last line just seemed out of place. The imagery in that one didn't fit with the rest of the poem.

But not to worry! I did enjoy reading the poem and except for the confusing imagery that I pointed out, I loved the rest of the visuals you gave.

I hope you don't take my review the wrong way...I have read some of your other poems and you do have lots of talent. I just wanted to be helpful.

I promise. ^_^

~CR

The poem is good, but I didn't like the last line at all. It was too... I don't know. In your face, perhaps. Subtlety and less Sylvia-Plath-esque angst will do, thanks. It's good to imitate a style, but not when you let it constrain you.

hmn, i think the last line was a let-downer. was better without it.

and i see you're terribly much influenced by plath. haha. too much angst is not good for the heart.

the second last line was the best.

and yes, it's comp studies, and see, i've returned the review. =]

HOHO.

Surreal and absolutely beautiful. I am in awe.

michael, interesting, has a feel of e.e. cummings, "somewhere i have never travelled ..."

(5-7-5)

¿Can red rapture heal?

¿Will blue ecstasy of time,—

Fade into cloud dreams?

(5-7-5)

Pixilated smiles,

Glowing through golden wishes,

Wind,—rushes,—swishes.

Beautiful vocabulary in this poem; I like it! It created many interesting senses in my body such as taste, smell and visual.

I like the way-you-separate-the-verses, which could be said with one word that starts with 'j', but which I have forgotten.

Particularly if you love me | Or not.

I suspect resemblances to two sources: Sylvia Plath's Poppies in July and Julie Baby (that's the last line. With the bathtub.)

Lovely colouring.

well well experimenting with new styles the images are very vivid the flames and all. but i dont clique with it, probably just personal preference. coz its pretty good!

HELLO PEAKY. the description and phrasing was just great and so fitting. i loved it, especially the last three stanzas. WRITE MOREMOREMORE (:

zQ

violetsky23: words are confusing? maybe because you don't understand them. go get a dictionary >_>

Reminds me of WWI, so powerful. I love the focus on poppies.

ok, well, i must say i don't exactly love this poem. it could be better. the ending is gruesome. your words are confusing. try harder. sorry for being honest, but criticism will make you better. and i apologize for not being a pixie. better luck next time.

hehehe... so glad to get to come here and read your work...one technical thing only - in the fourth stanza your tense appears off with "will" and "stared". It would make more sense if you chose either "would" and "stared" or "will" and "stare". Sorry, just wasn't sure if you were aware of it or not.And on to the goodness... you carry your themed image through this piece very very well. The desire shines through but you have these little words in there that show that what you want is harmful ie/ you say they have no thorns, which sounds very comfortable, but then you immediately describe them as flaming and later as fumed. You confirm that idea later with "a sea of poppies that drown me in their seduction". The colours of overwhelming red are well complemented by the touches of white and grey/black ("ash", "smoke", "night") and there is a great symmetry between "a golden beak" with the phoenix-like image and "in the gorgeous golden sunrise".And of course after the movement of all of it - btw your verse setup looks great - I love how you twist your image to a different perspective with your last line.thoroughly enjoyable!

mezzie ;)

This poem is so fantastic and dramatic, it was a complete joy to read! The language is rich. I love the line[s] "will you blind my eyes/ If I stared at your corona?"

HELLO MIKE!

This is, very possibly, one of my favourite MikeWee poems ever!

Firstly- I like the imagery inspired by Plath, WE BOTH LOVE PLATH (and you know it!)- Poppies in July, Lady Lazarus- all the imagery she inspired in this poem all fit in perfectly with the general theme and setting of the poem.

I liked the bit about the peeling of petals, and the last line, definitely definitely. The imagery is awesome, the dying man with open wrists. Wow. (Oh dear, does this make me sound.. morbid?)

THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME READ AND FOR ASKING ME TO REVIEW YOU (: It's a great honour!!

Camilla