Nice rhyming pattern and basic structuring. Although, personally I think the effect would only truly come out when this is put to music, the paper sort of erases the quality the song seems to possess, it would probably take up a whole new feel. But a really good piece. Great work!

Hey buddy!! It's been wow forever and a day since I've reviewed you, and probably just as long since i've posted anything. I think you're an amazing writer, pretty much always have, and congratulations on your book coming out! that is wonderful, I only wish I had that ambition lol Anyways, this song was for me anyway, very moving and I can relate to it so well. It's very powerful,and is pretty much what I'm going through right now. It's absolutely wonderful, just like all your work is. hehe :) I would love to review more of your stuff but right now, i'm drained, however, I will get back to it I promise. Take care of yourself and have fun in India. I think you're wonderful darlin. -Life is never an easy course, most of the time bad, but when you have the good times, hold on to 'em with all you have...Tyche Shadows

AWESOMENESS! ^_^ Dude, that was great, I'd love to hear it to music sometime! Seriously, though, I could follow along and know where all the notes or 'rock-out' scenes would go. Cool! ^_^

Keep it up!~The Goddess of Night~

That was amazing. You are so talented. Goof luck with your story.

creepy and well done... nice questions at the end

I have to stop pretendingYou’re the poison I desireI can turn from the heatBut I can’t turn from the fire

One of the most skilfully handled rhymes I've heard in a while. Normally rhymes can be patchy, but you seem to deal with them remarkably well. The first chorus didn't flow as well as it could have, but it's still pretty good.