The part in italics is wonderfully poetic.

My only critique is that you could have mentioned the tattoo a little earlier on - I was skimming the chapter thinking "Tattoo? What tattoo?"

Good, as always.

You really have a thing for dark hair, don't you? It's in every character in the stories I've read so far.

Y'know how long it's been since I've read a story that just soaks me in like some sort of mutant sponge from the first paragraph? (About two minutes ago when I read this chapter) corniness aside, I just want to say, HOLY SHIT! You captured an artist's angst (most of the time, unjustified angst :P) like no other author I've encountered! Will this be published? *spazz*

Hey I really liked this. Like LisaB said, it rang true. Sorry I'm not a better crit person with this stuff, all I can tell you is I enjoyed it.

Thank you Lisa and Maria.

Your notes are always helpful and I'm glad you pointed out the flaws, that need fixing. Here comes another wave of a revision!

OK, very nice story. A really sweet short love story, the kind they make movies out of.

Watch adding adjectives when things are pretty static, i.e., most things are that way. For example, most radios look similar; there's really no reason to get into the detail of how it looks unless how it looks is integral to the story. And I think cerulean is cliche. Just blue is fine. I think the biggest thing you could work on is getting rid of unnecessary words. Sometimes you add stuff that is redundant to the sentence. I can't think of an example right now. Sorry.

Delete this: "Ann was lying back against the pillows; I was propped on my side next to hers." Reads like instructions. Body postions tend to steal the emotion from lemon.

I was confused why there was pain for Ann during intercourse. It seemed to open up a possible plotline that never got resolved. (But if she's a widow, there really shouldn't be pain.)

Watch the continuity. I had the impression that he was dreaming because of meeting Ann, but later it seems like he was dreaming of Ann before he ever met her. The amount of time this story spans was confused for me. At first I thought a few days passed before the inital art class, then he says it's the next day. The final convesation seemed a bit rushed to get to the point. I think a bit more awkwardness before he gets fed up (Are you blowing me off?) would be better. I like the rest of the conversation though. There was a little wonder and confusion on their parts that fits in with the whole "love at first sight" thing.

I really think you've improved a lot. Deb said you were taking a writing class and it shows. Don't think because my notes are long that I didn't enjoy the story. I did.

Just finished chapter one. It really drew me in and had a very personal feel to it. Surely the arist's thoughts are drawn from experience? The self-disdain, the chance meeting when he's least prepared, it all rang true.

wow Alex that was great. the way you express your feling into this short story. I liked it. sometimes thats all it takes in ur lifetimes is to met that one person regradeless of age race or color..(yes i know i'm working on your review with crimson ^_^)Please keep writing ok...

o_o It's so intriguing, the type that draws one closer to read the script. ^_^ It's very beautifully written, and your use of words and the attitude brings it up with a uncovering brilliance!