Reviews for Paths of Destiny - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Paths of Destiny - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

A. Cox 2005-08-23 ch 5,	wow, that was a REALLY good chapter. Better than all the others and thats saying ALOT cause they were great too! This one explained things greatly as to what they were talking about and what was going on. I applaud your wonderful chapter and please, please, please continue soon!!
IleYenaiyu 2005-07-30 ch 2,	wow, this is a really awesome chapter. i'm very impressed at how you describe things so cleanly.
SAKoi 2005-07-30 ch 4,	I hope you don't have any more internet problems because this story is really good and I really want to know what happens.
Sorceress Knight 2005-07-29 ch 2,	Pretty good. Apologies for not reviewing sooner as I was in Japan. So far I like the story being set up but it's moving to quickly with too few detail. THe basic outline is there but for this to be a truly good story it needs some meat on its bones. Aidan's childhood could be an entire chapter and the prologue could be much longer. If it's not your style to like lengthy descriptions I totally respect that but so far the descriptions leave me foundering as to what sort of time period this story takes place in or even what the kingdom looks like. Very very good idea though. Keep it up.
A. Cox 2005-07-17 ch 4,	:) Another great chapter! I am really enjoying these characters, they have such depth to them you feel like they are actually real people. But now, time for me to ask you a favor this time. You have been reading my story Calling Texas pretty regularly, and i have some sad news to tell. My little sister accidently deleted it off of this website, but not to worry, I have saved all of the chapters to the hard drive. (even the Author notes, that's how good I am) and I was wondering if you would re submit your reviews. If you do, i can send all of the ones you made to you through e-mail cause i am a pack rat and keep EVERYTHING. Well, thank you for your time and once again, Great chapter!
MagicEightBall 2005-07-16 ch 4,	Another great chapter! ^-^ I love the characters. Can't wait for more!
Shuffle Queen 2005-07-12 ch 3,	This is very good so far...original and well-written. Aiden/Alec is a very endearing character and the story and plot are finely crafted. Update soon!
A. Cox 2005-07-06 ch 3,	This chapter so totally did not suck. It was very infomitive in all the questions you were asked and that is important. So stop saying it sucked! I heard that and thought i would be disappointed in the chapter, but I was not. See what your doing? You are discouraging people! gives you a look of mock shock how dare you! And as for it being a short chapter, it was a bit on the short side but not all chapters are going to be 15 pages long it's okay. whispers we forgive you. :) have fun at your cottage, and I will be awaiting the next chapter. Hopes-Mercy
MagicEightBall 2005-07-06 ch 3,	Yay! An update! ^_^ I don't mind the wait. I think the chapter was good. It answered readers' questions & also made me anxious to know more. Great job! =) (I'm hooked! lol)
Arlynael 2005-06-29 ch 2,	Do you know how many writers never bother to read over their work to look for mistakes (not that I ever neglect to look over my stuff or anything…crawls into a corner and hides, trying not to look like too much of a hypocrite)? I'm so glad you don't seem to be one of those. There were practically no spelling or grammar mistakes. Plus, I like how you include the tiny details and incorporate the information the reader needs into the story rather then just telling them (i.e., having Aiden learn about the snow in class along with the reader. Very nice.) Now for the evil little grammar stuff: This is more a suggestion, but in the third paragraph (second sentence) it might improve the flow if you deleted "their" and changed "which" to "that," though that's more a matter of preference. In the sentence after that, I think that "visitors" needs to be singular, and you say it twice in one sentence. It's a bit repetitive. In the next paragraph, I don't think there should be a comma between "now" and "everyone" in the sentence "...and now, everyone was acting shadily." When Aiden is being given his birthday gift, write out "seventeen" instead of "17." The latter looks unprofessional, hurried, and rather cheap, but it's a common mistake. A good rule of thumb: write out all numbers up to one-hundred; past that it's fine to use digits. A few paragraphs after that, there's a sentence "...he could hear the door to the house closing again and knew he would probably never see his father again." And after that, when Aiden and Sam are having their spat of clever banter, Aiden says, "'Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you had the right of way on a road which went two ways.'" It's supposed to be present tense, I think. And again, a little way after that, write out "seventeen." Mysterious man? I think he's Nomes; after all, who else do we know? Okay, a few questions that you might want to clear up. One, why does the father never see his kids? Does he work all the time, does he hold himself aloof? Does he just not care about his offspring? If the last one's the case, it doesn't make much sense; after all, weren't his eyes supposed to be "shinning with happiness" at his son's birth? But I'm sure you'll come up with a good explanation. Next, this might seem like an utterly idiotic question, but is this modern day, medieval, or something in-between? You don't really give any clues (i.e., the presence of computers would, for example, be a definite modern give-away). Also, although I can understand you wanting to keep what the blue globe is a secret, could you please give us some more info? Does it, for example, have great sentimental value to Aiden, or did his mother tell him to "keep it with him always" or something special like that? Where'd he get it from? There are plenty of things you can say without actually giving anything away. Besides, in general it's a good idea to give away little scraps of information that don't actually say anything conclusive to keep the reader guessing and involved. A well known master (or mistress) of this art? J.K. Rowling. Don't believe me? Just pop into a few char sites sometime and watch the wild theories that people come up with. Another one on fictionpress is theatreoftheabsurd with her story "Null." In almost every review, readers guess where the plot goes and who the characters really are, etc. You did a little bit of that with the whole "guess who the mysterious man is" thing, but you could do more. Also, what's Sam just randomly doing out of school? You leave too many loose ends! Also, more imagery would be nice. We know that Aiden has forest-green eyes; but then so do a lot of insects. However, for some reason I doubt that he's got wings and antennae. A little description of both the characters and surroundings would help. On the whole, however, I like both the story and the writing. The concept is original, the characters intriguing, and the style understandable and enjoyable. Congratulations.
Arlynael 2005-06-29 ch 1,	Don't worry, I always try and review in return, though I'm rather puzzled as to how you found my story, as I haven't updated in ages. Anyway, here goes... Yeah, this is kinda confusing. I read your notes on the story before I read the actual thing, so I'm not sure how it would come across to a reader who has no prep at all. Maybe you could explain a bit more about the globes and Nomes; a sentence is really all that's required. Example: "Nomes smiled at his completed globe; like all of his work, it was a delicate masterpiece of crystalline perfection, the souls secure in the promise of unity. For that was what Nomes did—he carefully paired two souls in each of his globes, so that they might be destined to find each other and live a fairytale-like happily ever after. He loved his work and devoted himself to it with a passion that surpassed even that of the lovers inside each of his globes..." yadda yadda yadda, you get the idea. Sure, I know that example sucked, but it got the point across, I think. Just go on for a bit about the time it takes to make the globes, how each one contains two souls fated to meet and fall in love, maybe even mention about how the souls are picked for each other. I mean, I assume the buy doesn't just pull a couple out of the bargain bin and throw them in together, conflicting personalities or no. I mean, the guy's gotta be careful, right? Also, Nomes gets attacked (I assume this isn't a normal thing, right?) and the first thing he does is assume it's because of the globe. I mean, you know that's the reason, and from your into I know that's the reason, but how does he? I mean, it is possible that some weirdo doesn't like the idea of people finding their true loves and in eternal bliss, etc. He could have just happened to be working on that particular globe when he was attacked. Why does he assume it has something to do with the people in it? It doesn't really make much sense. I don't like your third sentence, and it's a bit of a puzzle about how to fix it. It doesn't make much sense, is a bit choppy, yet still manages to convey your point. Let me see, you might change it to, "It formed both a perfect dome and base." but that sounds almost too short and has absolutely no rhythm...hmm, I'll be lazy and leave that one to you to fix. Also, in the third paragraph from the end, I'd change the comma between "assent" and "he" to a semi-colon. And though I never like to criticize people's ideas, the whole eyes thing is a bit clichéd, especially green ones. I love to see just one character on fictionpress who has boring, non-distinguishing muddy-brown eyes. And glasses. Despite my criticism, I like this story. I would be much nicer if I didn't. Go figure how that logic works out; in any case, your writing is good, neither over- or under-done, with what seems to be the makings of an interesting and original plot, though it's too early in the story to say anything conclusively yet. Also, you seem to have mastered the art of prologues; you don't give too much away, but don't make it so vague that the reader can't tell what's going on at all. Give yourself a pat on the back. You deserve it.
MagicEightBall 2005-06-29 ch 2,	Hey! Thanks for the review! ^_^ I really like this story! I can just picture it all in my head. =) It's great & I'd love to read more! Keep up the awesome work. ~_'
A. Cox 2005-06-28 ch 2,	wow, :) another great chapter! I just know that this will be a great story!
Shoebox of Lies 2005-06-27 ch 2,	Wow..this is a great story so far! Please update soon! Lot's of cookies, Lupin
Laitaine 2005-06-27 ch 2,	sniffle I hope the man is Nomes! shifty eyes Not that I love Nomes or anything... Okay, another brilliant chapter, especially with the myserterious man at the end. The detail and such was excellent and the characters are really looking promising. If you continue on the way you're going, the characters will probably be out of this world. Now for my least favourite part of the review...what the heck is a traveling cloak? I mean, you've explained that it shows up when it's needed...but why is it so important? Why will people know something is up? What can you do with it? Does it wield any special abilities? And...I'm confused...is Terrifah a city or country? And who are these skygazers? I'm just crazy about details on everything, it hasn't really interfered with the plot, which really makes me happy. Well, once again, I'm sticking around.

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