your perspective isn't new per se, but it certainly is nicely addressed. I like hte metaphor on the girl with the brown eyes...reminds me alot of the Beat Generation poets who applied similar imagery.

your writing is a total assault to the senses. that's what it is and that's what i meant to say.

it's brilliant, really.

God, this is so wrenching. So well written, I love this. The ending screams (it's gorgeous).

HAI. WOW. THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY.

Wow mismatching of genders adds to the style of this. I like, I like immensely. Powerful diction.

lovely last stanza. the entire thing was brilliant, really. the simple rawness of this was beautifully executed- i liked it muchly.

wow I love it. I write a lot of poetry and well although I like what I write, I wish I could write like this. It was great.. so decieving. Its great..

OMG ... that last stanza held quite a punch. Wonderful .. and terribly sad.

Oh my, this certainly is a new perspective! It's definitely original enough, I'd give you a 10 for that. It's descriptive enough - I like the imagery, especially in the fourth last stanza. I especially love the part, "and hug the biscuit tin filled with his money"!

The third stanza is a bit...I don't know...campy maybe? The idea of the Barbie is a turnoff...but whatever floats your boat. And no doubt we know how horrid the patron is.

And overall a really nice poem! I'd give it a 8/10.

firstly, i want to commend you for your fantastic results on a first experimentation. this is a delicious piece; full of sincity-esque imagery and sadness and emo-ism that comes together to form a beautifully insanely tragic picturefilm. plays back pretty, too. love it i do.