Very nice. I like this.

intoxicating, heady imagery. beautifully done.

you can work with words, definitely, and the concept of hte singirl is interesting, though I felt you could have excpounded more clearly on a message, perhaps?

the first stanza is rather tetchy, although your metaphors are colourful and evocative. Try deviating from pure description, as its pretty much a bane in your case...your language sounds Very unique, however, like a child is writing...hm

that said, I hope you'll continue writing poems andI hope I didn't offned you in any way because you show alot of promise :S

P.S. I really liked a few of your other poems, especially the ones which were more minimalist; your command of language is superb, I should say, but the gilded ones are less raw and provocative. Yup, that's all, and good job here :)

quite the experience, this singirl of yours. you make it all so amazing. i am enamored.

Beautiful, I love the line "saxophones slur broken hearts". Well done.

haha it's beautiful poetry and i loved every single line.

rei

did i tell you i loved this? i think i did; but oh it gets better with every read. (and no honey that wasn't supposed to rhyme. remember the wedding invitation when you marry clemmy)

Sensual and rich with imagery that rolls off the tongue in syrupy goodness. :)

nice -kisses you-

(kissing everyone today)

The images in this are well developed, even though the reader is a little unaware of the exact setting and time frame of it. The last line is the best in the piece.