Hi again,

It seems that you had only put up the first chapter when I last saw this story. What can I say, other than "update soon!" :-) Seriously, it's great.

Hey, I'm one of the people on the Circle forum and saw the link to your site. Love the story and think it's AWESOME. I'll read the other chapters when I get a chance, but I have a few notes on this one.

paragraph 1 "but rather the thoughts that had been engraved into his mind""that had been" can be omitted

paragraph 4 "Everything got pitch-black." try something other than "got" because it breaks up the flow of your story. "The eyes belonged to no body." shouldn't "no body" be nobody?

paragrah 6 "anticipation of the fear that that clawed" ha i do this a lot. "that that" error is obvious

paragraph 8 "He was numb--frozen with a fear that gripped him so tight" since you used "a fear" you can change "that gripped" to gripping. It eliminates a that and flows better.

sry if I'm being to direct or editing things. I use that's unnesicarilly a lot in what I write and tend to notice it in others writing. After those paragraphs, I didn't notice any other errors. The flow and imagry of your story is absolutely incredible. Reminds me a lot of Dekker's. I really think you've got something good here, so keep with it! oh yeah, please check out my story/novel and let me know what you think.

-legacy2007-

Great dream, you have really communicated the fear Travis experiences.

Oh tense. Can't wait for the next chapter.Man teh spiritual section in fictionpress is really bursting with good stories, including yours! How will I ever be able to keep up with them!I was extremely disappointed that you did'nt have any reviews because I think this is an awesome story, and that I missed this when you first started writing it. obviously you've been working on this for a while (consideirng it's been sixteen chapters!), and you've put a lot of effort into it. It's paid off! Perhaps the reason why not many people have read this is because it's so long... I have only had one person so far read my own fifteen-chapter book, so I feel your pain. Mostly I get a lot of reviews for my poetry, which more people appreciate becuase they are normally short and dont' require a lot of time to read.But this story does deserve to be read! I think it is very good, and I hope you keep wriitng. I look forward to reading more from Day of Fire!God Bless!Sarah