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| addie pray 2005-08-18 ch 1, | abuseThis is wonderful. I love the images and analogies in this. My favourite part has to be the last four lines. |
| lackluster 2005-07-02 ch 1, | abuserhyming seems to be a bit off, but that's ok *__* otherwise its mesmerizing. great work! ~tuesday |
| pneumothorax 2005-06-28 ch 1, | abuseThe rhyming is uneven and inconsistent; 'my thoughts are electric/blocked by a wood' seems forced, although it doesn't rhyme sucessfuly with 'floor'. The first two lines are a killer. Interesting mentions of fear; nice. Curious ending, but good. (I also notice you stole my darling, **) |