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| kchocoluver 2005-11-03 ch 1, anon. | abuseyou need to find a synonym for calming, because you have too many -ing words in the first part. then, in the next couple of lines, you suddenly go from a stormy sea to your heart, and that kind of was a startling change. further down, i can't really see the connection to trying to stay a bashful lady, and a stormy cloud. and you sound like you are being a man in most of the poem, but you add in the feminine touch of your gown swishing. maybe you could add in some other feminine characteristics to the poem? i like how you incorporated your reference to the stormy sea behind you in both the beginning and the end of the poem. that was a nice touch! overall, you can improve, but you are definitely going into the hall of fame someday! |
| felinefairy91 2005-09-25 ch 1,  | abuseHi! lol, I think i've seen this poem be4!! *nudge nudge |
| Reem 2005-07-19 ch 1, anon. | abuseI have to admit, I really liked your poem.How the lady felt stormy inside linking to a stormy sea ... that was very good, I liked it alot.I dont have alot of poetic knowledge so I cant really tell you were to improve but, overall it seemed to be really good as it was.keep on writing girl cuz what your writing is great :Dlove Reem :) |
| Reem 2005-07-19 ch 1, anon. | abuseI have to admit, I really liked your poem.How the lady felt stormy inside linking to a stormy sea ... that was very good, I liked it alot.I dont have alot of poetic knowledge so I cant really tell you were to improve but, overall it seemed to be really good as it was.keep on writing girl cuz what your writing is great :Dlove Reem :) |
| kAIT REDFERN 2005-07-14 ch 1, | abuseLiked the link between the stormy sea and how she felt stormy inside. This was good. The way you mentioned the gown and everything - it helped me visualise the scene in my mind. Only thing I can think of that might help you improve is use of similes, metaphores, alliteration, etc. But this was nice as it was. Nice poem. Luv Kaitx |