aries-diva-JC
2005-07-01
ch 1,  | abusegreat story! i love the way u compared her sadness to the weather. the part where u said the thunder was the clouds trying to hold back tears was brilliant... also, i loved the way u had it start raining just as she realized that she was gonna end the relationship... one minor suggestion: explain where she is... i kno she's supposed to be on a date because her boyfriend didnt show up and i kno its a public place b/c u sed she didnt want to cry 'in this public place' and i kno its outdoors b/c she can see and experience the weather... i'm guessing its sum type of park, but maybe u could be more specific... thats very minor, tho, and other than that it was terrific... keep up the good work... |
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