Interesting...hm. First of all, let me tell you that I liked the last two lines of the poem the best. Second of all, although I can see many strengths within your poetry, such as the passion behind it (trust me, you'd be surprised at how many poets actually don't have this...), but I also think that the greatest weakness within this poem would have to be the rhythm. You rhymed, yes, and the rhymes were...well, rhymes. Rhyming poetry is just a form in itself; no right or wrong form of writing. But varying the syllable amount in each line sounds smoother when it's done in a particular way. Try to smooth it out by alternating different patterns in your writing, not that it has to have patterns--just read it, and think about the rhythm. Also, in the second to last line you used "to", when it should be "too". Otherwise, it was pretty good. :) Keep up the great work, ~Writer of Darkness~