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| temblance 2005-08-22 ch 1,  | abuseFirst off, good job on the dialect at the beginning. The accents were believeable. The only problem was that practically the entire chapter was written in bold except for the end paragraph. If there's a reason, that's okay, but most of the time that much bold is either an error or just not correct. The story had a good start. The character Lansic is intriguing, and could prove interesting to the plotline later. I really enjoyed it. |
| Clodhopper 2005-06-30 ch 1, | abusewhoa - okay, first off, whats with the bold? if you can, please ex-it. since it's gone at the end of the chapter for some reason... your writing itself was well put together, i thought. the dialogue especially caught my attention, which is cool because writing good dialogue is a gift. i like the premise of the story, too. so far, though it's short and i dont want to make premature announcements, it seems very well put together. ~Mack |