"it’s something of a right of passage for the clans around here."

I believe you meant "rite".

This is very good so far, though I hope you haven't abandoned your story. The grammar was spot-on, and Ilantar casually catching the arrow is probably the coolest moment on Fictionpress I've come across.

You were able to create a really good mood in this chapter. The first paragraph, especially, set the scene very well for the endless fight that followed. I liked the idea of Ashadaroth's face being only a veil of a veil.

I see no reason why Karu soldiers should simply drop dead. I would imagine they would fight just as hard as anyone else, so killing Karu ought to be projected as at least a little bit of struggle.

"while he seared his iniquitous foes with the other. " : the word iniqiutous means leading to sin. I don't think, when you put in the definition of the word, the sentence makes sense.

You keep saying the enemies are wretched/evil/ whatever else. Is there any reason to do so?

"The captain was clearly human, or had been, and despite his small size he dominated the field around with a dark and oppressive aura of dread and gloom;" : I think there needs to be a comma after size.

Oh, and at no point are the Karu described as anything other than large and hulking.

"With a thrill of joy," : dunno, but something sounds a little wrong with that statement.

Watch out to makes sure the conversations aren't so strange sounding. I'm not sure exactly how to explain what I'm trying to say.

There were several times where the protag laughed before a battle, yet when a villain laughs before a battle its considered perverse. Make sure the descriptions, even though they are coming from a biased source, are not excessively biased.

Anyways, as always an excellent chapter. Looking forward to reading more.

-peace out.

"Below where they stood, in the black, looming shadow of the Northwall, the Karu amassed their forces for the next attack, and the brave warriors who stood against them prepared their ranks, waiting for the slaughter to come." : you've got two apposative statements in a row in the middle of that sentence making it a little hard and confusing to read.

"They dealt death in a fluid, serpentine dance that was mesmerising to watch " : I think this might just be a very personal pet peeve of mine (as in feel thre's an extremely high chance you should ignore this) but I hate when battles are defined as dances. I really doubt actual fights are anything like dances. What you see on movies tends to be highly stylized so it looks almost graceful, but I cannot imagine real war to be like that.

"Since being sundered from the Isaad long ago, they had become servants of the highest ideals, bright and noble and radiant." : Before I criticize this, its important for me to know whether or not you are going to stick to the third person limmited or go omniscient. IF this is omniscient, then I would advise against making one race better and more noble than the others just because. Also, the Ilien sound sort of like stereotypical elves right now, so you want to be a little careful for that.

The Karu sound too much like orcs in your description of them.

" Despite the ravages of time, his cobalt eyes were bright and alive with intellect." : how can eyes be alive with intellect?

"she shared his pale complexion and icy gaze, " : wouldn't icy gaze mean a type of cold way of looking at things. That seems something that is more an aspect of personality, and less genetics.

"The assassin was not quite human – he aged differently, and had certain supernatural qualities that he preferred not to discuss with the others, though no one could help noticing how he was different." : I wasn't immediately sure who you were referring to. Maybe make it clear Kheled is the assasin.

"Ezalior hummed with anticipation, and Ilantar stroked the blade’s hilt." : was there any reason to put Ezalior in italics?

At one moment, you say that only a tenth of the forces had been sent, while at next you say they were attacking in force.

"spectres that punished the living for their grief." : why would they be punishing someone for their grief?

Why is it necessary for the tongue of the bad guys to be foul and guttural?

"winged Karu’ghul" : winged nazgul?

Wait, I was a bit confused about the point of the whole thing with the necromancy. They seemed to have risen, and then be defeated at no real cost to anyone. Then gain, they might be important later on for the plot.

Anyways, excellent beginning. Its been a while since I've reviewed you, but I figure I ought to get back to this. The two biggest criticisms I have with this is make sure every description is necessary to the plot. They are all beautifully written, but some of them are somewhat superflous. Also, make sure that you aren't relying on stereotypes, especially the stereotypes of Tolkien. Some of the groups of people match a little too perfectly to what Tolkien did.

Anyways, a always, looking forward to reading the next chapter.

-peace out.

Huzzah, you finally updated!

Okay, to business. The way they speak reminds me of Lord of the Rings-you ever read that? It's not a bad thing, though; it adds an air of antiquity to the piece.

Not bad.

Wahoo! You updated! Damn you for doing so while I was on hiatus...okay, well, maybe not, since this means that I can get all caught up in one fell swoop. Hopefully. This -is- finished, yes?

Yes, I can be a beligerant, irritating little girl when I want to be. But, in this case, it clearly paid off! And, yeah, writing when you don't really care where you're going can be most rewarding--to the reader as well, in your case!

I loved this chapter. This entire rewrite has become so much more powerful than the first version that the old one has become...well, pitiful in comparison. Truly, you put my own narrative skills to shame--I lack the words to adaquately describe your brilliance!

Um, that said, I shall give up on describing said brilliance and instead point out a few areas where the beautiful flow was slightly marred:

'Kheled's form materialised from the nearby shadow.'

What nearby shadow are you referring to, here? The use of the direct pronoun implies that you're talking about one specific shadow, but...did I miss the mentioning of this specific shadow?

'"Have no fear. That one surely lives. I will find him," he said, and in an instant he had melded into the shadows and was gone.'

Somehow the above came across as weaker...most likely due to the fact that it was a more extended sentence. Maybe taking out the 'he said' and just making a new sentence start at 'In an instant' would fix this...but, meh, dunno. You've got a lot of 'saids' in this chapter.

Heh, Kheled's skills amuse me. So often those with magic underestimate more mundane arts...although, Kheled seems to have an advantage that is probably not entirely unmagical.

Amarise is...wow, a bitch. First time I read this through, I was a bit surprised at her...but, neh, second time, it makes sense. Ilantar's definitely a bit cookoo, too, which makes the reading all the more enjoyable.

And Asharadoth...powerful name, powerful figure behind it. Wonderful description.

Unable to express just how happy I am that you have continued this, I read on.

- Eyetk K.

I really liked the backstory. It was very interesting, and hinted at more than it made clear. Amarise seems a little too nonchalant about being around Lazael, however. Would she really 'pout' or 'fume in silence' in the presence of such a terrible being?

I forgot how mature your writing is. It's smooth and crisp, everything text should be. But yet you have enough details to keep me interested. There were a few times that your wonderful vocabulary sounded a bit forced, so be careful of that. This sentence: "Though the sight should have evoked pleasant memories, Ilantar saw only her foolishness, and her lack of regret for it" was awesome. The girl flipped from cheerful to dark a little too quick for my taste. My biggest CC would be to watch out for dialogue. There were a few times in this chapter that it didn't sound super natural.

Mack

If you're interested we've updated Passion. If you're not I totally understand.

Impressive.It's no so much of a Deus as I have seen before--you pulled it off rather nicely. Only one with great power may destroy another with great power. Still, you might want to have some mention of this gift beforehand. Or have you..? I can't remember.

I still say that you should go to the WF on Gaia. We'd be able to help you out quite a bit with your writing problems.

My goodness. You're right, that's quite the cliffhanger. I'm sure it won't be the end of Ilantar, but it will be interesting to see how he gets out of this. I liked the idea of Sinflayer, a half-alive weapon. Very interesting.

(it's Caprice. This is my review name.)

I like how Sinflayer is semi-animate object. It adds a nice touch to the whole morning-star flail, and it's very cruel. I like it.

This is one of the best chapters I've read yet, I have to admit. Keep it up!

I agree; your descriptions of Asharadoth were good. Having him be handsome and arrogant was a good contrast to his horror. I would suggest, however, not putting the last phrase of this chapter in italics. It makes the sentence overy melodramatic, and makes Asharadoth seem not languid and unconcerned enough.

This was an interesting chapter. I especially liked Amarise's rebelliousness. It gave her a unique character and let us see the side of Ilantar's character that is protective of his men. I would like to learn more about Salyn, and why she is so brave.

Ah. It's been a while--I had forgotten what had happened in the last chapter.

You use a lot of words to convey just how malevolent this guy is, and while I understand it, it seems to be going a bit overboard. Just thought I'd let you know.

a preface to a prologue, i dig. nice beginning quote, i wonder what this has to do with BoTK. im intrigued.