Reviews for The Legend Of Black Water Cove

Reviews For: The Legend Of Black Water Cove - Reviews: Page 1 of 8

LotR 2007-07-16 ch 1,	abusewow i love this story^^ I'm adding you to my favorites.
Ti 2006-07-08 ch 21, anon.	abuseHello, I just read all of this in one go. It's a lovely, macabre little story. The first chapter is my favorite actually - I like the way Felicity shrewdly scrutinizes Richard's proposal inside-out and backwards. There were some confusing parts though - at times the characters' actions seemed inconsistent. For instance, at the beginning, Andre seems annoyed by Jackie's possessiveness, but once she's dead he considers her his true love and can't bear to "cheat" on her. Is that just the guilt talking? Also, it's hard to picture Gerry - this shy, bookish guy who's obsessed with Randy - not only refusing to forgive her, but going out with some ** to make her jealous. He seems smarter and kinder (and like he has higher standards) than that. And...I'm generally confused about the significance of the flashbacks to Felicity's life. If she was just angry that her father forgot about her and started a new family, why was there a flashback about the engagement ring? (Plus, did Richard propose twice? Once in Felicity's living room and once in the boat? Seems like after the first rejection he ought to have taken a hint.) And what was going on when Felicity broke down and cried about her mother? I don't understand either of the flashbacks - why they're significant; what they meant. I hope I'm not being too annoying. It's just that I liked your story, so I'm really curious about it all. So, if you're not tired of reading or too frustrated yet, there are a few more things... Just a few quick things that I wasn't sure about: was Randy dying at the end because of Felicity? Felicity says, 'You're dying anyway now,' which makes it sound like she's not responsible. Why would Randy suddenly start dying? Grief? Guilt? And why does Gerry think they need to go to the cove at the end? Also, what was it that Drega thought would help Randy (what was in the crate)? How did he know what was going on with Randy? And when did this math teacher start caring about her enough to commit suicide to save her? That seems completely bizarre. And no one suspected him of the murders anyway, so how did he expect it to help? I think at the very least, you should develop that relationship more in the story, so it doesn't come off as so bizarre. And lastly, we never see Randy having a seizure or a hallucination (I'm assuming Felicity was real and not a hallucination since Gerry was able to see her at the end), so why is she considered mildly schizophrenic (or, a better way to phrase that is, why did you bother mentioning that detail when it never comes into play)? Ok, finally, the rest is just for the real mistakes I was able to spot. The first is...to be completely realistic, Randy and Gerry (and probably Andre and the coffee shop manager) would have been taken down to the police station for interrogation. There's no way Randy would not have been a primary suspect. (Besides, wouldn't she have had toilet water and blood on her clothes? And wouldn't her appearance be all disheveled from the struggle with Jackie?) I can't see her being allowed to walk off from the crime scene like she did. And after Tad was killed, she definitely would have been taken to the jail. It's just too coincidental that she would have been the one to find both murdered people, and the police would have realized that. (I would recommend watching some "Law and Order" for a better idea of police procedure. It's just a t.v. show, so you have to take everything with a grain of salt, but it should be accurate enough for your purposes.) Of course, I realize that if Randy gets thrown in jail at this point, the plot falls apart. So maybe you could figure out a way to make her guilt less obvious. I.e. let someone else find the bodies, or something. Someone else recommended you watch "Secret Window" and I agree. There are obvious parallels (except, of course, the character in that was crazy, not possessed). Plus it's just a cool movie. Another thing is that the therapy sessions didn't seem very realistic. It's not clear why Randy's going to therapy either. Is it just because she's mildly schizophrenic? If that's the case, all she would have to do is take medication and check-in with the psychiatrist every few weeks to make sure it's not having bad side-effects. But I don't see why she'd be required to explain all her thoughts in excruciating detail every week – what therapeutic purpose does that serve? That’s not going to help the schizophrenia. Finally, the fact that Randy and Andre and Gerry go to school the day after Jackie dies seems really out of place. Wouldn't they stay home to get over the shock? Might not the school even close for a day to let the community mourn? Same with Tad's death. There were some deaths due to a car crash when I was in school many years ago, and no one taught any classes that day and people were allowed to go home in droves. Everyone was crying. They even cancelled the winter dance, which was a few weeks later because it was too festive and disrespectful to the mourners. And that was just for a car accident - I imagine some murders would be twice as awful. Again, I apologize for going on and on. I hope you at least find it helpful or enlightening. I think your story is just lacking clarity in the places I mentioned above. You've got creativity, which is the most important part of writing. The formatting just takes practice and is the easy part. Besides, from your author's notes it sounds like this story is the first draft, and -no one- gets it right the first time. Also, a good tip for writing is to focus on the parts that move the story along. For example, the scene after Jackie's death in the park is good, because it sets up Tad and Andre being angry at Randy later. But the multiple therapy sessions don't really seem to serve a purpose in the story. They don't foreshadow anything, nothing important happens in them, etc. That’s the kind of thing that should get pared down or replaced by more meaningful plot development. I did enjoy the duck portrait immensely, though. Sounds like something you’ve actually had to endure in real life. Anyway, good luck. Keep up the good work. I'm off to read more!
pink.puff 2006-06-17 ch 21,	abuseI normally don't like Horror stories, but this one was great.I really like the way you write! pink.puff
Olivine 2006-01-23 ch 21,	abuseah, the bitter sweet ending. this was a terrific ending to a terrific story. when i have time, which will probly be tomorrow or the day after, i'll start reading the sequel. by the way, your story is now in my favorite stories list. :) you are truly an awesomely awesome writer. keep it way way up! -points at the sky- and keep on writing ~~Wintertigress-:\|:-
Olivine 2006-01-23 ch 19,	abuseah, i bet it IS hard to kill of your own charaqcters. i could never do that. i love them all too much...except one character, hes nuttin but a big ol' meany. lol. thats why i could never write a horror story. i think i'll stick to fantasy. ~~Wintertigress-:\|:-
Olivine 2006-01-23 ch 17,	abuseaw next chapter! ~~Wintertigress-:\|:-
Olivine 2006-01-23 ch 16,	abusethe dream! it seemed soo real! my goodness, im surprised i didnt get any nightmares last night! awesomely awesome so far! on to the next chapter!! ~~Wintertigress -:\|:-
Olivine 2006-01-22 ch 11,	abusewell, where i am its getting pretty late, and i have to stop reading now... :( but i am SO coming back...if i can live through sleeping after reading this. but, yeah, usually i have something to say that could help make a story better. for once, i dont, with this one. it has the perfect descriptions, awesome grammar and spelling, and basically...its just perfect. although, once in a while i do see a typo or two. but since you've already finished the story, it'd be too late to say, huh? but keep that it mind for your next thousand stories. until the next time i get a chance to read this, good bye! ~~Wintertigress -:\|:-
Olivine 2006-01-22 ch 8,	abusewow. this is really scary so far. so far?! what am i talking about?? this will only get scarier and scarier. this sort of reminds me of a movie i once watched. called Secret Window, starring Johnny Depp. he thought his book was plagurized by some guy, who turned out to be a character from his own story. he thought that character killed about 3 or 4 people he found dead, but in the end he knew it was him who did it. then the ending was that he killed his ex-wife, and he had his character's accent. im not sure what the ending was all about. i just now that thats what your story reminds me of. i wonder if it'll have the same ending...? only way to find out is to keep on reading... ~~Wintertigress-:\|:-
Olivine 2006-01-22 ch 1,	abusewow. the beginning was so casually told, that one would never have expected something like them dying to happen at the end. and then, Fredrick's other two daughters dying at 17, screaming Felicity's name. you described everything beautifully. i liked the way you layed out everyone's personalities. that was pretty cool. so, the first chapter was already scary at the end... now, what about the rest? well, i'll find out! ~~Wintertigress-:\|:-
The Lark Ascending 2006-01-18 ch 6,	abuseew! Imagine killing someone and not remembering or knowing why. . .or if Randy didn't, coming-to next to a body in a toilet stall must be horrible. I liked the opening of this chapter, in the shrink's office - clearly Randy's very bitter about these sessions, and her focus on the weird painting was demonstrative of this. One piece of advice: you might want to lessen the number of fragmented sentences you employ, i.e. "Sweat was pouring down Gerry’s face. Randy shook her head. Gerry darted back to her." This reads rather choppily; you might want to consider how it sounds when you read it out loud. I'll be back!=)
The Lark Ascending 2006-01-11 ch 5,	abuseok I'm a bit more confused now. . .why does Randy call her father Manfred? (i.e. she and manfred, not she and her father?) The part about Randy's mother being "willowy" caught my interest, but I hope you'll be demonstrating this in the future rather than simply asserting it. . .why is she willowy, and how? In appearance, or in character? Again, Gerry's personification is adorable; I really want Randy to appreciate him more=) Alright, be back soon:)
The Lark Ascending 2006-01-09 ch 4,	abuseWow, quite a bit of mystery so far. . .which can be a good thing, if all the loose ends are tied up sensibly and cleverly in the end. I expect they will be. And goodness, Felicity is a monster! What's going on there? Why is she stabbing Randy? =) Altho I'll find out soon enough. . .
bulletproof lemon 2005-12-28 ch 21,	abuse...chilling... that was so intense, if i had been in the moment which i sadly wasnt, i probably would have cried. i feel so bad for randy. ok, now i'm off to read the other black water cove story...hehe... oh, and i can totally see this as a new horror film...that'd be cool.
The Lark Ascending 2005-12-26 ch 3,	abuseOoh, I'm seeing lots of parallels - but I get the feeling that Randy might have some hidden feelings for Gerry, whereas Felicity had pretty much decided that Richard was a louse - ah that's so sad about the teens, something like that happened to me and my poor best friend was never my close friend again after) Anyway, I was noticing that in your more recent story that I reviewed, your grammar is a lot stronger than in this one - but obviously we improve over time. That's a good thing. Okay - I hope that Randy and Gerry aren't dead, tho I'm sure I hope in vein=) I'm going to read more soon.

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