I honestly do like this story, and I belive with a little work could be an awesome story. I haven't read the whole thing yet, but I like the concept, and belive it just needs a lil fixing up. Also, I would like if you did finish the final part of this chapter. I can't give you any ideas of what to add or anything, at least not yet, not til i finish, but I would be happy to later.

NO!

AND YOU WON'T WRITE MORE? I'M MAD NOW BUDDY.

pretty good i guess. I just want you to finish. For me For a fan.

This is a good chapter. I like the explanation (the lack of vomit just thrills me LOL), and Damien's character is appealing and interesting.

The paragraph about the two kinds of darkness is really intriguing. I can understand why you feel this piece is rough and I agree with your assessment, but it has some good bones, even in just a couple chapters, and I think it's worth working on. Personally, I think swearing is overrated and it takes away a lot of a story's strength and creativity (though I recognize it's a preference thing). Generally when I come across a story with a lot of bad language it takes a lot for me to be willing to wade through the language and keep up with the story. Just a little reader perspective :) I like the Vicki/Victoria argument and the brief description of her is poignant - I'd like to see it explored (which maybe you do later).

Interesting dream sequence... I know I wrote and asked for suggestions, but I decided to start here :) What can I say - I'm impatient :) Poor Vicki, demented and tear-strewn and sleeping through two hours of a test!

Hey. Awesome story... but I think it would be better if you proofread it a little more... then it would be excellent... haha... can't wait for the next installment... so... what's vicki going to do now?

huh? what happened to the format? oh well, it's still readable. lol

i really like how you potray some stuff and use the english language with your own unique twist. its a nice read. =)

great action. =)

That was good. I like it. Keep it up. Though, you might want to hit the spacebar harder, or look back to see if you've missed. Anyway, good story.

hey. umm... it was... wow... i wish i could be a good riter lik u! ah, well, u better comment on my stuff when i start posting. btw, you might not want to use real names... its not safe. but other wise, its really good!

i enjoyed.. =)

i like how you ebd the chap.. =)

i like your story especially the poem in this last chapter, keep up the good work

i like the supernatural part, but i think the paragraphs are pretty long, a lil difficult to read. but i liked the plot. is there gonna be any romance??

Wow. Just wow. Very very wow.