FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Prince Tin Lizzy 2007-11-29 ch 2,   | "Ripples scattered across the marble as they swayed and floated around amiss the white veins beneath the black sheen. My boots, at the bottom, turned a darker color from wetness." Amiss should be amidst, dearie. "It crystallized on my finger tip and shattered into a million pieces, falling down to his skin and curling upwards in fragmented steam." Fingertip is one word. You need to stop with the making one word into two words! "Hold me tightly and bare me off into daydreams." Bear, not bare! No one is naked, as far as I know! Ah! I miss your writing so much! But is this the very same Aaron that belongs with Terrance? In any case, it was gorgeous, and it makes one of my very favorites. |
| Prince Tin Lizzy 2007-11-29 ch 1, | Do I really need to leave a review for it? It was only, like, the best frickin thing in the whole litmag. |
| Megz 2005-12-19 ch 2, | I loved the Immagery. very pretty and easy to see in your head. but sad too |
| Sarah-Brighteyes 2005-07-31 ch 2, | Wow... what a very intense story...again you captured my attention. At first I thought that this was the setting of a fortune tellers home. yet perhaps that is the perfect place where imagination roams free. The butterflies seem to be very symbolic... a change... freedome.. metamorphasis... I loved the line, "I wondered briefly what it would be like, to lay in a bed of blackness that enveloped you and kept you cradled in a warm, soft place; with half moons playing a lullaby, and mercury chimes in the background." Wow beautiful... amazing how we all want to fall into that role. To leave the world when the worst things happen. Bravo on another really good piece of work. |
| Sarah-Brighteyes 2005-07-31 ch 1, | Wow... strange and yet alluring. You caught the science fiction freak in me hehe. I loved the build up of anticipation. The questions that ran through my mind...who was the boy...why was he being changed...wings? an angel... a home-made angel? Amazing idea for a story. Bravo for you on this... i wonder if you ever thought of writing more for this piece or not? Great write. Thanks for the entertainment tonight. |
| Jester Joshua 2005-07-26 ch 2, | And it seemed god has answered my prayers about a sequal! Wonderful! It pulls you into a fake reality (or something) and then destroys that, turning it into reality. And with a very happy ending, that has other questions to answer (like what happened to the butterflys) and make you think hard! Can't say amazing enough... |
| Jester Joshua 2005-07-26 ch 1, | It seems so real, it could happen. I could feel the boys pain and the womens guilt. Angel Prototype would make a great short horror movie. Please let there be many more to come like this falconer! |