Reviews for Dreams Into Reality

Reviews For: Dreams Into Reality

Cat 2006-08-31 ch 2, anon.	abusehey, umm.. i really hate to say this, but this one isn't one of your better stories. I've seen you write better. A few suggestions: don't overuse "I mean,". / "instead I saw friends and stuff."- be a little more descriptive of what you saw with him. tell ur readers about how much brighter the sun seemed and how more colorful the flowers were. Tell them that instead of a playground and swings, you saw a mighty kingdom, or anything along those lines. Umm, oh ya, and don't make them talk the same way, give each one a personality by the way they speak, it'll help how the readers see that person. / "I was just about to say something about it, but changed my mind." instead put: "I was just about to bring it up, but then, realizing how akward it might be, decided against it." umm and that part where Chaz responds to Beth about where she wants to go, don't make him contradit himself. Change it around to:“So where do you want to go?” I asked him. “I don’t know. We could try to find something that we haven’t found before." "That would be kind of hard, since we’ve come here like a million times lately." "That's true," he responded. "But c'mon, for old times sake?" “I don’t know. Doesn’t that seem kind of, kid-ish? I don’t really have a problem, but you’re always saying that you’re to old to play some of the games we used to play.” I snapped. “So? It’s time to take a break from all this teenager stuff. We need to remember what it’s like to be a kid.” So we started wandering around the park. -and i'm not to crazy about this last sentence here. it's kinda blunt don't ya think? I'm sorry if this was too much.. lol, but you did want me to critique it right? lol luv ya!
L.M.A. 2005-08-31 ch 3, anon.	abuseAw, you too were so sweet when you were little. I remember coming over to play, but you were already playing with him. This is really good. Keep on writing! UPDATE!
OTHERfantasyfreak 2005-07-23 ch 3,	abuseI love the Secret Garden! Anyway, sorry I haven't reviewed yet. I just had a death in my family. Great story, your just a great writer all together! Keep up the excellent work!
OTHERfantasyfreak 2005-07-15 ch 1,	abuseHmm...this reminds me of a book I read called, "The Game of Sunken Places". Anyway, good job!
strawberryblitz 2005-07-14 ch 1,	abuseHm... The whole wall with the ivy and the hidden door is an exact copy of the secret garden but other than that its pretty cool... I liked the beginning alot but the whole disappearing thing was a little different I pictured this to be another one of those realistic fictions. Ohh... the first chapter of my new book is out! I;d like some constructive crit. Other than that I really did enjoy it I'm anxious for more! ~Berry

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