I've never been able to write songs, so I admit that I am a bit envious. For a first try, this is excellent. The girl you portray is so common, as is her fear. I thought you may have been a little too wordy at times ("pernicious" comes to mind), but very good on a whole. I enjoyed it. :)

Sad and true and I feel for her. Dammit, I know these feelings too well! Thank you, it's a lovely piece of writing. Is there a tune to it?

I like the ideas behind it, though the execution has a couple problems. Kudos for finding a way to put pernicious into a sentence, but although it may be a poetic word it's not a musical word. When writing songs, it's a little easier to read if they've got a more even meter. I'm sure it made sense in your head, but when the chorus's syllable count is 4-12-4-10, it's really hard to get an idea of what you meant.A good first effort though, and I would definitely encourage you to give it a couple more tries. Songwriting takes a fair amount of practice before you get something that sounds good.

A very well crafted song; I very much liked how your lyrics entailed the fading innocence of a young girl. Nice vocabulary usage, with "staied" (I had to look that one up, honestly). Good work.

(By the way, thanks so much for the Favorite Authors mention. It means a lot to me.)

I really liked this! Keep it up.

Wow, that was excellent! I love the chorus. What an interesting concept. Anyway, keep writing, you're really good at it! :-)

hey this song is very nice. especially for a first time or attempt even. I especially like the chorus it somewhat reminds me of someone i know kind of. And that in itself just makes this song quite nice. Thank you for writing this beautiful piece. :)

~*~Leah

This is great, awesome job!!