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| Matrona luce 2006-05-06 ch 1,  | abuseyour story has great potential. some advise though choose one tense and stick with it. It's not good to switch between them. As for your writing, it will get better in time. Writing is a skill and like all skill the more it's practised the better it will get. The only prerequisite to be a writter is a good imagination. so don't despare you will get better in time:) |
| LilLaTLuv 2005-07-19 ch 2, | abuseHey! It's...okay so far. I think it could be a lot better and a lot more descriptive, with more talking and activity. But it is only begun so I'll reserve judgement! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING AND UPDATE SOON! Luv ya,Tashi :) |
| Leah Thorp 2005-07-16 ch 1, | abusethanks for reading mine. umm, this story kinda flops -_-* sorry. |
| Shuranna 2005-07-16 ch 1, | abuseAwesome plot going here! I like it, although you could show instead of tell. There seems to be a bit too much narration, but it's the beginning, and it'll be probably more action-y as the story progresses. ^_^ Cant wait for the next installment! |
| miss-blackhair 2005-07-15 ch 1, | abusei love it! hope to hear from you soon.. =) i realy want to add you to favourites but mine's full! bleh.. anw, your story's really great! |
| Rusty And The Rubix Horse 2005-07-15 ch 1, | abuseYou have a nice start to this story, although a bit of trouble with your tenses. For example, little *does* he know should be little *did* he know, and so on. Yeah, I'm a grammar freak. Anyway, more people need to review here on fictionpress. They're all lazy bums. I'll stop my rant now. Nice job. |