Reviews for Stella Polaris - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Stella Polaris - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

diamond-dust08 2006-07-30 ch 2,	abusei think my review for you is long overdue, and i fear that i may be too late in case you've decided to scrap this story entirely. thanks for the review you've made for me, so here i am and returning the favor to you (even though it's about a year late, sorry). first off, although it's not the first story to use the concept of the "last-heir-brought-up-by-foster-parents" and "last-heir-tries-to-retake-throne" thingies, it's outstanding in a way that it manages to still hook readers even though we've read a lot of it before. the main reason for this is your excellent articulation of the tale itself, and your brilliant composition of the overall atmosphere--dark, tense, and moving. as far as this story is concerned, i must say, you came across as a very skilled writer able to elicit well-guarded reactions from readers, and the story meanwhile a prime example of it. seriously, this is one of the best-constructed fantasy stories i've read. you have a superb way with words and you can string them into high-quality sentences that evoke not only vivid images in my mind, but emotions as well. and i'm not talking just about the physical aspect of your work; the story itself is crafted beautifully and you have an unbelievable skill with pacing. the first chapter is elaborate and well-designed, especially with fully narrating what had happened after Erinia's childbirth, and descriptive effort you've injected into almost every sentence was just astounding, like this: "The sky outside was full of tumultuous dark, ragged clouds threatening rain. The moon lost its place in the night sky as the ominous clouds drifted across to block out its comforting, muted light, and the wind was thrashing in the treetops." i love that. i can already see the moonlight while i'm typing. your style is solid enough, with almost non-existent typos and errors in grammar, and although they lean slightly on more modern usage of words i wouldn't mind (like Taria telling Lukas and Keira "her blood cells decided to congregate on her cheeks"--biological cells were relatively recent discoveries and were probably unknown at the era where you've set this story). you can use single words or single-line paragraphs to facilitate the reinforcement of thoughts and ideas you were trying to send to the readers, but sometimes it's a bit too "usual" so i suggest you do them only when really necessary, or if you feel that it's called for and too much emphasis won't hurt (too much of it makes it seem like it was a soap opera). but as i said before, the story tugs at my emotions like very few others of its kind, and i laud your expertise in pulling off a very dramatic mood for Stella Polaris. the cast is well-developed and "real" but there were some parts of it i couldn't believe myself (Erinia riding a horse merely six hours after childbirth and Keira not even crying--or a more violent variant of it--when her entire family was, well, roasted alive XD). also, even though there were a lot of references to Keira's family their sudden deaths was just a so-so event, since we readers haven't identified with them yet. intellectually, readers do know and can feel Keira's grief for her deceased parents and brother but we couldn't feel any visceral reaction simply because they were merely "thoughts" in Keira's head and the story wasn't able to treat them. this is one of the lower points of the dramatic tension in your story even though it should be one of the highest, but this can probably be mended in the succeeding chapters with some Keira-emo moments like angsting, brooding, introspection, reminiscing, or whatever. there were also some events that i find funny instead of serving as a mood-heightener of drama--Erinia suddenly finding a smoking chimney (and a forest dirt road, to boot) in the dark of night and raining, by God, where visibility was severely limited, was one of this. despair does not make one suddenly superhuman, though (well if Erinia could ride a horse in the black of a chilly night not even six hours after childbirth i suppose she is XD). also, there's this thing when the rescuers found the charred bones of Keira's family only after a few hours (or minutes) of stuck in a burning house. there's this bar near my house that burned for nearly the entire night and the people who died inside hadn't been reduced to just bones; even their hair was still intact--singed, but intact. the plot and its pacing flows and develops quickly, probably sacrificing Keira's deep bond with her foster family in favor of going into the action. i can already see Lukas a fine counter-balance to Keira becoming a brooding person and Taria a shoulder to support the main character--and probably their help in getting back the Aesiran lost legacy. the mysterious Isaiah, though, looks to be a crazed maniac and as your friend said, he really does sound like he has dilated eyes and laughing "MUAHAHAHA!" (with fingers twitching, to match) all the time. very much a bad villain, but not very much a "cool" villain. the fight scenes are average, if anything--but well, you can only do so much with a dagger anyway, but at least you can describe what happens clearly. the hook at the end, absolutely enthralling as it was, had me squirming in my seat for more and i found out to my horror that you've last updated this one over ten months ago! don't be so cruel and update, please. ^^ well that's about it, and i DO hope you'd find time to write again and update this wonderful story. and please, contact me again if you do decide to continue. ~DD
melodylzx 2005-10-24 ch 2,	abuseHaha... this chapter rocks as well! The grief, the shock of the realization that her family is dead, the little crush on Lukas... I'm going to wait eagerly for the next chapter. (:
melodylzx 2005-10-24 ch 1,	abuseOh, I love this chapter! The suspense, the emotions, the setting, they're all wound together very nicely, creating a wonderful story. Keep up the good work! and thanks for reviewing! (:
Pheobe Meryll 2005-10-22 ch 2,	abuseA good chapter. What a cliffhanger though! A few things to comment on, however - "It was Taria"..."It was a dagger"...it seems to me that whenever you want to give impact, you make a sentance-long paragraph like the aforementioned. It's okay once in a while, but the aforementioned are only two instances of many. I would reserve that technique for only the most important, intense parts. "Despite her sudden bout of fearlessness, she was mortified to hear voice shaking." I think you missed a "her" in here. Ack...don't end it there! I am very intrigued in the bad guy. The line "I want him to be proud of me" made me very interested in his own story. He seems a little bit like Javert, you know, from Les Mis... "He had done what was necessary, what was required." Good stuff.
Pheobe Meryll 2005-10-22 ch 1,	abuseSuch a wonderful beginning! And so sad. I could really feel Erinia's feelings in this chapter, and the history that must be behind the rebel invasion intrigues me. It's a fairly common story - royalty being raised by commoners and all - but you are a good wroter and I'll be interested to see the aspects you bring to it. A little cc... "The moon lost its place in the night sky as the ominous clouds drifted across to block out its comforting, muted light, and the wind was thrashing in the treetops" consistancy is the problem here. We are told "the moon lost its place," "the clouds drifted," and "the wind WAS thrashing." The last part should be "the wind thrashed" to be consistant with the rest. It's a tricky thing and I fall into it a lot myself. "They had shown her husband no mercy, and would most surely not show her any too." This was awkward. Maybe "would most surely not show her any either"? When she was thinking about her husband it was so sad and heartfelt. Very nice! I shall read more.
wolfblood82 2005-09-16 ch 2,	abuseHi there! It's me again! Well, good to see you up with this. Anyway, like the story and the cliffhanger you left there. You really portrayed the feelings of Keira well in terms of the loss of her family and the interaction between the characters. But maybe you can add more detail in your fighting scenes. I dunno whether you've read manga before, but for me, I got the inspiration from them. Anyway, hope to see you update and review my story as well. P.S: I hope you can review the revised version of the first two chapters of my fic. Also, hope you can take a look at my profile since there's something I wanna say there.
ice flyer 2005-09-11 ch 1,	abusewow! i'm really impressed by your writing. i love the style and the the vocabulary, it's sophisticated and creates lots of images. i like the summary too - the plot seems very creative and interesting! kudos..
Enid 2005-09-07 ch 2, anon.	abuseI'm back, and apparently you're back to writing as well (it's been a while so 'hi' again) It's an interesting build up so far and is at least something moving at a fast enough pace not to bore the reader (though you have to be careful not to move it too fast if not it would seem rather rused). I noticed you mentioned 'Stella Polaris' somewhere in front and am rather curious at how you're going to incorporate that idea into the main story, seeing that your summary has been changed as well. (Somehow, reference to the title always intrigues me) On to other matters, I like your use of language. It makes the whole chapter seem rather lyrical and adds on to the fantasy setting as well. It's a good use of descriptive word both for the characters' characteristics and also for their thoughts so keep it up! (just beware of going overboard) I guess that's all I'll touch on for now. Keep writing and I hope to hear more from you! :)
Serana 2005-09-07 ch 2,	abuseI think I can crawl away and die of embarrassment now... You actually... really... did... quote me in your AN... o.O Anyway, some general comments regarding what I've read... or reread anyway... (excluding those like "PIGS CAN FLY!"... haha...) Basically, you've got a wide, wide vocab and I'll even go as far to say that your vocab use is much wider than whatever I normally do. There's just one little problem that crops up here and there... and I think you should know what that is... Coherency? haha... Some of the sentence structure's a little... weird... and so are certain expressions as well but I think I've already pointed out most of them to you while reading through it before. Another thing that could be a little useful to you is paragraphing (ignore whatever I tell you in school about your 5-8 line first paragraphs... haha...). Some tend to be a little lengthy and perhaps would be more impactful if you split them into smaller paragraphs... Or maybe it's just me and my short attention span... Another thing you have to avoid is repetition... haha... I'm guilty of that too... In layman's terms, that would be 'rambling'. Try not to use words that sound too similar to each other because it makes the whole thing sound like you're repeating yourself... Already pointed that out to you before... And I'm running out of stuff to write about... X.X Anway, there's enough info, or lack of info, here to keep me guessing. I've more or less got an idea on what's going to happen already... it's another one of my crazed hunches... other than that general idea... I'm not really sure what's going to happen next... That's supposed to be a compliment by the way... (You're not bent on basing off that summary are you...) Ok... sorry about that... ignore me... But I really have to say that you're improving... more than me anyway... XD. Sorry also that I can't give you a proper review (this is what happens when you make me reread your chapter some 6 or 7 times before it's actually updated... haha...) and that I doubt it would hit 500 words too. Thanks for dropping by and keep up the good work! :) -Serana
wolfblood82 2005-07-30 ch 1,	abuseHi there! Good to see you come up with a new story here... anyway, the first chapter was quite well done and yeah, I'm looking forward to seeing you update this... anyway, it will be interesting to know what will be in store for us readers... hope you'll update soon and receive your reviews for COA as well. Bye! ^^
Enid 2005-07-22 ch 1, anon.	abuseI'm borrowing a name from somewhere else but I think you should know who I am anyway... just returning the favour Anyway, the prologue seems rather well written and it gives at least enough information on how the story is going to be heading and as well as a rough background regarding the entire foundations of the story itself. There's a nice build up of tension as well as excitement and anxiety in this chapter which is fun to read over the usually boring kind of prologues. The way you let Erinia reflect back on the past rather than letting it be a continous sequence of events (I can't describe it properly, sorry) seems to be rather useful to convey her present emotions and feelings as well as that of what she had felt or seen back then. As an introduction to your main plot, I'd say that the prologue is very well thought out and planned. Keep it up.
IMHno3 2005-07-22 ch 1, anon.	abusehey!! i've finally got a chance to read it! its pretty gd so keep up the gd work kz? cant wait for the next chapter.. n while, waiting for u 2 lend my HPHBP, i guess i'll go read serana's story!! FINALLY!.. i'm being real slack 2 nite!! hehez... so plz update your story kz? yupp... n tat's it for now. (my 1st review!)
Archangel Ix 2005-07-20 ch 1,	abusewelle isa so glad yu shotted again for le fictionne... OKAY! merci so much for reviewing my story its getting to be a long read, i hope u can handle it and im definately back into updating. NOW ABOUT your story... the first paragraf with the woman fleeing on horse was like your other story i find...BUT I LOVE IT! I love the ffect of the woman fleeing on the horse as yue make it, so possibly make a signature as an author and start off every story like thaat? Andywaiz, im babbling, but i hardly doubt u have any complaintses...:O wo ho the story is so cool sofar uve got me back into fictionpress reading! OK soisa donne now.
Seannes Dawn 2005-07-18 ch 1,	abuseHey! Thanks for reviewing my latest chapter. =) Good to hear you liked the Connor & Samara action. Hehe. But I'll give you a clue, there's gonna be twist, no, twistS in that story, to come! Btw, great story, I love your writing. =) It's ABOUT TIME you came back. Heheh. But, this story has nothing to do with the summary? Where's Keira? Or maybe she'll be mentioned later on? Lol. Clueless.
Taeron 2005-07-18 ch 1,	abuseThis is the new story you talked about right? :) Your writing has greatly improved now, I haven't spotted any errors (either that or my perception is weakening :P), but let's just say you're getting alot better. So far, the story is showing great story and I'm anxiously awaiting the next chapter. Keep writing :)

Return to Top