That is SO sad! It was good, but sad. I can see why this is your pride and joy. I like it, and am putting it on my favorites list!!

I like the way you lead us to believe that he is wanting for Caroline, but is really wanting for David. I love it; everyone needs a little plot twist now and again. I guarntee that you managed that quite nicely!

OK, thanks for a good story, and good luck. May inspiration never leave you wanting.

all my love,felicia

Overall, it's a nice concept. I liked the twist. You worked it well, especially as it is quite cliché. You've got a fairly good grasp on the narrative voice, and seem to have no trouble with inner monologue. There are a few things I'd like to point out, though.

The last two sentences in the first paragraph switch from subjective to objective. With come careful rewording, that could be fixed. Something along the lines of "I could barely close my briefcase, it was so full of clothes and other necessities. I was forced to keep it shut with my hand, while juggling my keys and passport in the other." Just, something to keep the flow going.

Something else caught my eye, but it could have been put there on purpose. "But did the wretch give it to me?—oh no! Of course not. That’s why I killed her." At the end of the story, I was brought to believe that he wanted affection from David, not Caroline. Did he want it from both? That phrase completely threw me off. It says quite clearly that he wants affection from Caroline, who he knows to be a tramp. That just caused a little bit of confusion.

You could really make the story come alive if you added some more senses to some important parts. You could try for 3 senses at the beginning and end, and 4 at the climax. Also, if you extend the climax, you can really bring the emotion of the narrator into effect.

There were also some grammatical things that could be fixed up with some more editting, but they don't interrupt the flow of the story, so they aren't too much of a worry.

This story was wonderfully written, and was really enjoyable to read. Kudos!

wow. I really, really like that. excellent twist there. excellent.

yes, love is indeed a funny thing...

My God, how can you not be published yet? This was exquisit! I LOVED IT! You are definately proffessional material. You are the first author I have ever come across that has never needed any improvement on a story.