Reviews for Random thoughts of a Random girl

Reviews For: Random thoughts of a Random girl - Reviews: Page 1 of 11

Sorrowful Dreams 2006-04-10 ch 12,	very interesting chapter. this maggie person is...unusual. great work ~Sorrow~
Thorn's-girl 2006-02-26 ch 3,	Good god. This is addictive, hyptonic, twisting you out on a thread in a jumbled rush to finish the paragraph before it escapes. ** brilliant.
FanGirl X 2005-11-01 ch 14,	An interseing concept, I do believe. I like how your pieces are short but say all they need to. I wonder if I do that well...hm...Brilliant way to catch the reader's attention at the beginning. ^^ ((-Fangirl X-))
safflowerdust 2005-10-12 ch 3,	Good stuff
Lukertin 2005-10-12 ch 14,	If you would allow me to edit the final sentence of you most excellent piece: "To glow among the greens would be life's greatest final breath, before drifting to the ground, lost forever and forgotten on the forest bed." Of course, that's something I'd say, since I'm such a pessimist. O well.
citrus scented 2005-10-11 ch 14,	"To be the one to move into beauty even though I know it may cost me death." this is very dramatic. but ive got to be honest- not my favourite. thing is i like the message behind it- so strong, confident and defiant and yet vunerable and scared at the same time. i just think the plot is a bit weak as in maybe you should have built up the idea of the tree shedding its leaves a bit longer. Anyway, this is still stunning in content and dangerously thought provoking. i love this whole collection.
Gilee7 2005-10-11 ch 14,	-I mocked the tree I stared at like a mesmerized moth's love towards a streetlamp- Incredible. Just the second sentence and you've already knocked me out. This is beautiful. You know, just the other night I was watching "Fever Pitch" and like suddenly caught this movement from the corner of my eyelid. I turned my head and freaked out at first. Something was flying toward me. And up close in the dark, those wings appeared so much bigger. But then I saw it was only a little moth. Eventually it started flying toward the TV, bouncing off the screen and crawling upon Drew Barrymore's beautiful face. And, as watching that (and growing quite irritated) I wondered how I could put that into one of my stories. Because it really is a familiar image to people. And here I've just read this sentence, which is so incredibly beautiful. -It was earlier than the others and I supposed it didn’t get the memo that fall would be delayed a few more weeks.- LOL! I love this whole little section that this sentence appears in, but this particular one is my favorite. It's quite humorous. Love it, love it, love it. -I wonder if this is how David felt among Goliath or Screech among the jocks or the Jews among the Hitlers.- The Screech bit seems a little out of place, considering what comes before and after him. I'm not telling you to get rid of it or anything. I thought it was funny. But coming after Goliath and then before the Jews and Hitler one, it just doesn't seem to fit. And, by the way, why is "Hitlers" plural? There was only one Hitler. You know what actually work better? If, instead of "Hitler", you had said "Nazis". Your call. -This tree was making its own stand like punked out hair and bumper stickers and politicians and revolutions and true love and pink ribbons.- Another awesome sentence. I love the examples you chose, they vary greatly and yet fit so perfectly. Also a great rhythmic sentence. -To glow among the greens would be life’s greatest final breath.- Awesome way to end the chapter. I love this sentence. So poetic. And especially with it rhyming with the sentence before it. This is poetry, my dear. Pure poetry. The whole chapter is. And it's beautiful, with great imagery, humorous figures of speech, and very thoughtful as well. I admire you greatly and at your ability to look at the simple things that we so often overlook, and yet think so deep into the subject. There's so many of us who would've simply overlooked such a tree as this, paying no attention to its rebel attitude. For some reason I've never added you to my Fave Authors. But that's about to change. You belong in there. Your writing impresses me greatly. So beautiful, always.
Gilee7 2005-10-11 ch 13,	-The sun barely breached the obese clouds- Wow. That's excellent. Awesome figure of speech. -The drops started as though the clouds were hesitant to share their tears- So far I could paste like every sentence. Each one has been that impressive. I know its kinda cliche to describe rain and tears, but you write of it so beautifully that it feels as if I've never heard anybody describe it in such a way. The first half of this was incredible. Every sentence was superb, leaving a great image of the girl standing in the grass and the rain coming down and everything. Just beautiful. These chapters are seeming less and less random suddenly. They actually appear linked now, like you're telling us a story through all these thoughts. And I'm saying that because of the appearance of Magdella at the end. It was nice to see her again! And with her, brings the knowledge of HIM. So yeah ... like I said ... suddenly I'm starting to see a story unfold. And I'm liking it! Not my favorite chapter, but one of the most beautifully written!
Gilee7 2005-10-11 ch 12,	- Her maple syrup skin glistening as the sunlight pressed through the clouds- Love it! -I stood beneath the tree cursing the yellow ribbons and paper bag brown in hopes it would heed my warnings that I would burn, rip, feed it to my dog, or stick it under my bed where terrible demons lived- I like the rhythm of this sentence, especially with the bed part at the end. -He died of a doctor diagnosed heart attack, or perhaps a Magdella ingested poison.- LOL. This Magdella lady is quite a character. -...and passed by me towards the hostage her tree kept.- "kept" seems a bit awkward. How about "held" instead? Hm. I don't know. The way the sentence is set up, it still seems awkward. -Magdella’s eyes sparkled humor, even though a bark rough voice rasped through- What a fitting way to describe her voice, comparing it to a tree as they stand at the base of one. This chapter was like its own short story. Although, really, many of these have been. But this one especially. I love the descriptions and even the suspense in this piece. I saw it all unfolding before my eyes. And these "Him" stories are becoming a bit part of these random thoughts. I could almost see a whole collection of "Him" stories standing on their own.
Gilee7 2005-10-10 ch 11,	-First your body would be stretched to un-imaginable depths.- At first, I let this go. But, as I read on, I went back and made note of it. I think you should put a comma after "First" because it keeps with the recipe-like way of this first paragraph. You know, the kind where it states "First, you add a teaspoon of sugar. Then, you add a cup of milk. Next, you mix the spices into the pan." I have no idea what the hell kind of recipe that is or what the heck it might be making. LOL. I'm no cook. But yeah, it'd be nice to have a comma there. -This is like having one arm tied to a tractor trailer and the other by a troupe of elephants both going in opposite directions simultaneously. Lovely image isn’t it?- Disturbing image, but you make it lovely. And I love how you talk to the audience in this chapter. -Next all the atoms that make up your remains are ripped from their bonds- Same thing as my first copy and paste. A comma after "Next". -He was tall, dark, and handsome to the cliché and made my eyes sweat with anticipation to get a glimpse.- Just after the first half of this I was like wow, I love that "to the cliche" bit. Then I read on and was like "wow" yet again. "Eyes sweat with anticipation" is such an awesome ... damn't what is it? I'll just say figurative language. Great figurative language. -I would giggle in un-controllable fits, as though my insides were under constant continental shifts- I'd get rid of the hypen and make it "uncontrollabe" instead. I love this sentence, though. "Continental shifts" is such a perfect way to put it, especially for this particular piece. It keeps up with the scientificness of the earlier part of this chapter. -and living out our golden years in splendid love was soon ripped apart by summers fading glory.- *summer's -The memory of him a hot coal on the tip of my mind every time I see the august sun set.- I noticed this same thing in one of the other chapters I read tonight, but I don't remember pointing it out. Oh well. You need to capitalize "August". Always capitalize months. -If when they think about me, it sinks into their stomachs like warm soup on a summer’s day- This is what I love so much about your writing. You have this beautiful way of putting things and describing things, yet you do it in a way that everybody can relate to. You don't have these descriptions that fly over peoples' heads. They're simple and sweet, yet so incredibly amazing and clear. BUT ... minor problem with this sentence. "like warm soup on a SUMMER'S day?" Why summer? Wouldn't "winter" be more appropriate? I don't even eat/drink soup during the summer. And warm soup on a summer day, which is usually very warm, depending on where you live, isn't a good mix to me. LOL ... I'm sorry. I should go back and just erase everything I just now wrote. I'm an idiot. I just now read the sentence that comes AFTER the part I pasted. "Unbearably hot." Okay ... yeah. Forget everything I just said. I get why you said "summer's day" now. Makes total sense. I really like this chapter. The first paragraph kinda went on for just a bit too long, but I know you really wanted to paint a vivid picture of what would take place should a person be sucked into a black hole. It was interesting, while almost on the verge of sounding too scientific at times. You did a good job with it, though. And I love how you took the black hole idea and than made it into what you did, that transition. Using it as caterpault for your "random thought". Nice chapter with great imagery and descriptions. I've thought about this same thing before.
Gilee7 2005-10-10 ch 10,	-I put it on and twirled around the living room of his house as though I was a fallen leaf, dancing in Fantasia.- I actually kinda remember that falling leaf thing from that movie. And oh, I used to hate that movie so much. Still do, I guess. I don't even want to see it again. But even as a kid I hated it. It was like all music. I might respect it more now, but I don't know. Anyway, I like this analogy, though. It keeps with the innocent, childlike descriptions that this piece has. -We danced around the room like yesterday’s sun.- I love this sentence. It's beautiful, and it keeps with that whole yellow description, even without saying the word "yellow". -It reminds me of yellow breathe- Ah, the Sarah-Brighteyes trademark. -It reminds me of yellow breathe, like his on my skin; smoky and bare- I know I just copied the first part of this sentence, but that was only to point out the error. Now, for the sentence as a whole. I really like this. "Yellow breath" and "smoky" gave me the idea of cigarette breath. "Yellow breath" seems the perfect way to describe that, just like the effect it does to white curtains. Smoke gives them that tainted yellow-ish color. So, my interpretation of this sentence is that guy is a smoker. -Yellow blinds me, like his wrinkles against my lips- This is the sentence that really made me open my eyes, and should've really exposed what's going on here to everyone. Though, I don't think anybody got the connection, or at least they never commented on it in your reviews. And that's what I'm going to discuss now, my own personal intreptation of what was really going on here. I remember the blueberry chapter that I just read a little while ago. I remember you saying "don't be offended" or something like that. And I didn't get why in the heck that piece would've offended anybody. And then, in this chapter, yet another chapter featuring the icalicized "Him", you have an Author's Note saying "Don't read if sensitive." So, after I read this, and especially that wrinkled sentence, I had to go back and read this whole thing again. And suddenly now I see all of this in a whole new light. It reads like a very happy, love-lost story, sweet and 'aww'-inducing. But it's quite a creepy story, just told in a beautiful way. The color yellow is very beautifully described toward the beginning as like this really sweet and childlike thing. I mean, butter and rubber duckies and bubbles and ... tickles (which is now very creepy after I'm starting to see what's going on here). The color of yellow is compared to the sun and daises and stuff, and just yeah, really nice and all. Then in the last paragraph it takes on a much dirtier and stained look. No longer so pretty or innocent. This girl is really young. The age 12 is mentioned in the piece, although I'm not sure if that's how old she is throughout, although I'm guessing it is, or at least close to that age. Because, I mean, at 12 he brought her the dress, and then she's dancing in it and all in the second paragraph. The Andrew’s Sisters and Glenn Miller Band are both mentioned, and now I see that as a clue toward his age. I'm not familiar with The Andrew's Sisters, but I do know of the Glenn Miller Band. They sing that "Space Cowboy" song, right? From back in the 70's? Which would make this guy ... what? In his forties? Or even older maybe. They dance around ... on HIS shoes, which gives me the image of a little kid dancing on her father's shoes. And this is all sweet and everything, but then comes the last paragraph. "Yellow breath on her skin" is creepy, gives this sweet story a very naughty turn. His breath shouldn't be on her skin. Then there's "torn fabric", which is definitely not a good sign. And then "broken petals fallen on the ground like an angel's wings" totally gives me the idea of innocence lost/stolen. "Wrinkles against his lips" is just gross, and a very eye-opening sentence. I think I get why this might be offensive or not for sensitive people. And I'm proud that I've uncovered it. Or at least, I think I have. If that is really the case in this story, if there really was an improper relationship going on with this man and little girl, I salute you and give you a big high five. Had I wrote this it would've been so totally gross and in your face, as my writing tends to be. But you wrote about this very non-beautiful thing in a very beautiful way, and a very subtle way. You have to read into the story to get it, which is something I wish I did more in my own stuff. I think people might've read this and really liked it and thought it was something much happier than it is, an actual love story or something. And I so hope this isn't a true account. This is also probably my favorite chapter now.
Gilee7 2005-10-10 ch 9,	-I was overdue like a too ripe melon.- That didn't do much for me. It reads a bit awkwardly. Maybe if you got rid of the "too" it would read better. I don't care too much for the actual figurative speech, though. But it doesn't matter, because other people probably did like it a lot. It's always a difference of opinion thing. I do like the sentence that came after this one that I pasted. -Does that one extra month baking affect how crispy your genes get?- This whole piece was humorous with how you choose to talk about the subject, and this particular sentence was one of my favorite, and one that definitely made me smile. -I would never compare my figure to breakfast foods like donuts and oatmeal.- LOL. You do that? I've never heard anybody describe somebody as any kind of food. And I could kinda get the donut comparison, I guess. But oatmeal? "Have you seen that guy? He looks just Raisin Bran." -It leaves me see through.- Not totally sure of this, but I think there should be a hyphen connecting "see-through" like how you have in the title. I like this piece, even though it's short and simple. It's humorous and it made me smile many times as I was reading it. You think so much about things that people don't tend to think about. I think I was early. Maybe by like a few days or something. I don't know. I've never heard of Nefertit. Have no idea who he is. I like the ending to this piece, too. You tend to do a really good job with the endings of these pieces, and I think I've said that before.
Gilee7 2005-10-10 ch 8,	-The branches gnarled and stretched like angry fists towards the pale blue sky, threatening it to rain.- Really cool personification (isn't that the term? see, I'm like a writer and everything, and I know what I'm doing, yet I never know the technical terms for anything). Anway, I really liked that description. I saw this really cool, almost cartoon-like image in my mind. -He paused, either from weariness or wariness,- I love that. -I stood, my shorts peeling from the bench.- I can't help but wonder if this bench is made of wood, thus coming from a tree. That would've been really cool if you had stated that fact, and maybe thrown in some cool Sarah-Brighteyes'ish description or thought toward it. -The leaves never moving as I carefullystepped forward.- Loading error. I know I'm not the only one to say this, but I don't get why you hate this piece. It's one of my favorites so far. I love the imagery and the descriptions in this piece. They've been lacking just a bit in the last couple chapters I've read. But their full on in this one. I also like the paragraphs where the mother and elderly man walk past the tree, and all their secrets are revealed. It's a bit of a haunting piece. I likes it a lot.
Gilee7 2005-10-10 ch 7,	-An Salways knows where it stands.- Loading error, no space between the 'S' and 'always'. This piece is quite quirky itself. I like how you use a lot of 's' words to describe a 'S' person, although I would've liked to have seen even more. Like a lot of alliteration. It's easy to do it with 's' because there are more words beginning with that than any other in the dictionary. It seems like anytime I slip into alliteration, it's always with words starting with that letter. I did it a lot in "What Friends Are For". There are very few 'q' words, so it'd be hard to do the same thing with it, describing a 'Q' person with alliteration of 'q'. Although, after typing that sentence, it totally makes sense with talking about how there are few 'Q's in the world and 'Q' being the letter with the fewest words. Well, that might not be true. It's either 'z' or 'q'. Still, it fits in with this piece and your statement toward the end. 'U' could be taken as 'you'. Which is quite flattering. You don't have to wait for me any longer, babe! LOL. Just kidding. Anyways. I like the descriptions of the people and how they are. I think this might be least favorite chapter thus far, though. I wonder what letter I am? Perhaps 'W' for weirdo.
Gilee7 2005-10-10 ch 6,	-Every summer, when the hot august sun would make me dream of snow- Capitalize "august". And isn't weird how people do this? We always want what we don't have. I find myself dreaming of summer when it's winter, wishing I could be wearing t-shirts and shorts instead of pants and sweatshirts, ready to feel the warmth of the sun again. But then after summer is here for awhile, I start to dream of winter, and how it'd be nice to curl up with a blanket in front of a fire and read a book while the snow blankets the earth outside my window. -He would smile down at me, the sun glistening around him as it set,- You can't see italics in these reviews, but that's why I'm pointing this out. "He", "Him", "His" are all italicized throughout the piece, but in this sentence, "him" isn't italicized. Which seems odd considering it's like the only time it isn't. So yeah, you should probably put the emphasis on that, too. I don't really know what to say about this one. It was much shorter than the others, and quite different. I have no idea why people would be offended by this piece like you say in your Author's Note. If anybody was to find this offensive then they really need to stay away from my stuff. I like how anytime you refer to "him" that it's always italicized. It really makes him seem important. There's some good imagery in this, as always, and beautiful descriptions. Nice effective ending, too.

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