wwoww... creepy...I was glued to reading this. Dark and disturbed, a true macabre feel to it. Worringly then I can say I enjoyed this piece of writing. A masterpiece on its own. Keep the good work coming!

I loved this piece, it's very deep, I feel like every sensation is magnified and that gives it a lot more depth and feeling. The imagery and description are all taken to the limit, and it fits the mood and the tone of the chapter perfectly. There is always a sense of mystery, also, for we are left without knowing what truly happened before all this, but the questions left in the reader's head make of this piece an even better read. I hope to see more like these!Keep up the good work!xo - Acrobia

Holy crap...I love it. Excellent details, excellent storyline...EXCELLENT EVERYTHING! And you told me you didn't think you could write well? You just proved yourself wrong. I hope to see more from you. :-)

Skye

Alright. I've come back, with my notes scribbled all over your short story-- well. Not -too- many notes. But here's a few:

1) Wonderful introductory paragraph. The imagery is quiet and sullen, good way to establish the mood and the pace.

2) ~[Would I lie here forever, screaming my throat hoarse in unconditioned fear of the light?] I understand the tense, here. I admire its beautiful sentence structure. But sometimes cleverness in structure could detract from the overall story and the flow when a reader has to backtrack. It's better to have clever sentence structure in poems, where a person has a good five to ten minutes to reflect on a small stanza. But in a story, it's best to make it concise and keep the story moving without the back-track.

3) ~[or hell disguised as a gleaming heaven if one were to ask me.] Hee. I like this. But, if we're talking about important abstracts, maybe "hell" and "heaven" should have capitals? Unless you mean to say, "a hell". And, if you used capitals, I think it would only be "hell" that would be capitalized, if it is, "Hell disguised as a gleaming heaven", since heaven isn't the real abstract. Blah. Lol.

4) ~[A gutteral growl was emitted as i tried to throw my head back, sending myself into another convulsion.] *I.

5) ~[There was no way I could let go, I could only lay back and continue the nightmare.] The section ending with this line was wonderful.

6) ~[Hell, I don't know if I ever had a bowel movement or urined.] Hrn. Well, "urined" sounds a lot more pleasant than "urinated".

7) ~[The inky environment was almost a relief to my working eyes, my mind embracing the dark as though it were its savior.] I understand that "its savior" modifies "mind", but wouldn't it have more power if the sentence were: "my mind embracing the dark as though it were my savior". Since the mind and the person are intimately entangled in the same struggle throughout this whole piece?

8) Your ending was quiet, and quite beautiful.

9) Title suggestion: "The Silver Lining"? Lol. It could be a double whammy. One meaning, being the description of the actual encasement. And the other, being the consolation at the end of this story.. Haha. I'm so corny.

This was -so- well-written, and beautifully drawn-out. Strangely enough, I don't have much compassion for the character. But I -do- have fear for the position that the character was in. This seems much worse than being buried alive.

This piece was colored in scarlet and monochrome, and it had this incessant dull and -thick- drone in the words. It was heavy, like listening to an exhaust vent from the other side of the wall, which made this piece more rigid and gritty. Which I absolutely loved!

Hopefully my critique helped and did your piece justice. This was just beautiful.

Continue to flourish in your writing abilities, v3point7, and write on!