Quite a long chapter. I found one little mistake:

"Peels of boyish laughter" 'peels' should be 'peals'

I think that's it for grammar. Anyway, I noticed that towards the beginning you rely heavily on summarisation and description to get the reader accustomed to the goings-on of the kingdom--the organisation, the king, etc. While it was written very well (it didn't bore me at all, or anything) I think that some of the information could be spread throughout the story, just so it doesn't sound like so much background at once. When you switched to more dialogue and active characters, I found myself loving your writing...Valdis and Evander seem really interesting! That's my only cc--I like this story and look forward to reading more.

I read your a/n about having nothing much to comment on, but I have to bring up your description--it caught my attention right away. Very nice.

w00t! as them old mac commercials say.. bahbahbahbahbah i'm lovin' it. ...your story, not mcdonald's - mcdonald's is kinda gross T__T.

In anycase - i'm totally digging this, and I'll be sure to keep checking for updates. hm. if you already have or are going to make one... could you add me to an emailing-update-informing list thing? veronicayeung@uts.utoronto.ca

w00tzors.

right-o! so! keep up the awesome awesome writing!! and yes, i think your readers (more than 1 i assure you) understand that school is a very demanding environment. ^^

anywhoo, cheers to good exams and things like that

-roni

ERSTWHILE! XD

Anyway...gosh, I love this chapter! Probably the best so far for this story... ^^ BTW, kudos to the awesome descriptions. Fantastic. And the whole dance sequence was written really, really well. I didn't get lost anywhere, which is quite rare. XD

Scene 1: LOL...cute. Especially the thing about horses ( o.O do you have an animal fetish or something? ...is that even a word? XD First cats, then dogs, then fish. Now horses XD)...the horse reminds me of the one in Chronicles of Narnia movie, the part where Edmund and Peter was training, and the horse was like "My name is Filip" or something like that. Lol. But I digress.

Cute though, how you made the horses kinda a parallel for each of the characters. I was a little puzzled about Evander's however. "docile"? Not quick to anger, probably, but I wouldn't describe Evander as docile. More like mild-mannered or something. =P The part where Aiden was like "Surely this animal could not have been a reflection of his own personality as well…" was so cute as well though. XD And yes, that horse was definitely like Aiden. LOL.

"Wherever it was, Aiden wished they could reach it in the quickest time possible if only to get off the snob of a horse." - Lol...again, cute. (Just what's wrong with my vocab, anyway? I seem to be unable to say anything except "cute". -.-)

Autumn Equinox...cool name. ^^ definitely more so than...ERSTWHILE -.- (that word is now officially a touchy subject for me. It just shows how limited my vocab is. Terrible, really)

"Bienvenida" what does this mean? o.O I'm too lazy to go check it out at freetranslation.com, so yar. XD I noticed it being used quite a few times.

Scene 2: First thing I noticed. Sister LAVANYA. LOL! Suern's gonna get a kick outta this, though she's one of the last people I can see dancing, for obvious reasons XD =P

This entire scene, esp the interaction with LAVANYA was quite sweet (o.O now my adjectives have become limited to one-syllabal words like "cute" and "sweet")...as in, in the gypsy encampment, we actually get to see the more happy, unguarded side of Valdis, (eg: like the look in her eyes at the end of her dance)it's like she actually treats the place as her second home, where she can be herself (i.e dance, which she obviously can't do much of while on the road with our dear prince). I'm babbling, not making sense, and I've even lost myself as to what I'm trying to say. Gah.

Scene 3: The Valdis portrayal is good here:

"As time ticked on and the new night dawned upon them, Aiden found his eyes involuntarily seeking those sad, crystalline blue ones which always seemed so lost as they stared into flame. It puzzled him, nonetheless, just why the Valdis his father feared – the same one that supposedly could upset the political balance within his country and the one that remained very much an enigma to those around her – would look so solemn and distant as she watched the flickering flames, oblivious to the world around her."

Excellent.

“No… it could not be so… she had to be a criminal who had done something serious enough to provoke the issuing of such a warrant. Why else would his father be after her?”

Baka! Gosh. Not everything the blasted king says is true, Aiden dear. Look at Dorian’s dad. Or…well, can’t really think of much examples, but yar. GRR.

Lavanya’s speech was awesome (yay! A 2-syllabal adj! I’m improving!! ^^) Loved it. =)

As I said, the two dance sequences were really really well written, so yar, kudos to you! ^^ Esp since as far as I know, you don’t dance. XD

The mention of the Amistad was good too…esp it’s significance to Aiden. XD Loved:

“For a moment, Aiden wondered if he were looking at the person he thought it to be. He blinked again, rubbing his olive green eyes before looking up again. There was no mistaking it. The person that stood before him was the notorious Valdis whom his father wanted captured so badly – only that she was smiling, not a smile that was heavy with sarcasm or plain sardonic humour but a smile that seemed genuine, a smile that seemed real.”

Fantastic job! And I adore the last line “I dance with Fire.” Seriously, cool and impactful, and I love the fact that you referred to Aiden as “Fire”…XD

Great great great job! Update (not soon, since this is on semi-hiatus, but yar) ^^ My fave chap of this chapter so far, spectacular (yay, my vocab came back! ^^) job! =)

Excellent attention to detail! I can't wait to read more!

oh...good chapter!

Okay... firstly, regarding your A/N...

1) Is the pace too slow/too fast/just nice?

Most of the time, they're just nice...though there are some parts where I felt you could have moved abit faster, bring on more action. Then again, I know you're focusing alot on characterisation and building up and such...so it's not that bad so far. ^^

2) Any additional comments on characters? I know that Val and Aiden can be a little childish/naïve at times but I’ve got a valid reason for that… I hope.

Haha...erm...I love Aiden, he's like super naive and innocent and cute...and really very suaku (P.S...I'm starting to see Alexis and Max's relationship in theirs =X) But he's very entertaining, and very fun to read, so no problem with him. Val, on the other hand, is more mysterious, more hardened, more tough, but there's alot not shown to us about her yet. I like her so far though...esp when she's bullying Aiden with Evander... XD

3) Should it be Valdis’ or Valdis’s? I’m not too sure about the apostrophe placement.

Valdis's. I've got the same problem as Alexis's. But s' is for a group of stuff, like "those peoples'" that kinda thing. =)

Anyway...some nitpicking first and foremost (the bad before the good, right? ^^)

1) Valdis blinked at her brother whose deep brown eyes were fixed intently onto her. -- there should be a comma before the word "whose".

You have a bad habit, esp in L.i.T (though you've improved ALOT in Amistad) of being stingy with commas. Be careful! =)

2) The appreciation of nature’s beauty was something so human that it could be a little puzzling to someone who did not Valdis well enough, given her reputation. -- there should be a "know" before the word "Valdis", I assume. =)

3)“But… Wait!” Aiden tried to object but the cook ignored him, descending into the lower deck and leaving Aiden at a lost as to what to do. -- "loss" instead of "lost". I've noticed that a few times, be careful! =)

4) Wordlessly, Evander walked up to the young prince and took the rod from his shaken hands -- should be "shaking" hands, not "shaken". Shaken is to describe how someone is feeling =)

Anyway...sorry for the nitpicking...=( but now that the not so good stuff is over with...now comes the good stuff! =)

A) Scene 1!

Hm...this part opens up a little more about Valdis, and about her past. Though right now, she still remains really really mysterious, and I can't wait to find out more about her. As you said, she's an enigma, one of the biggest mysteries of this story! The poem is quite good, haha, and thanks for the intepretation after that for those like me who don't take lit! ;)

Hm...Enid Charos...the Aed part again. My guess is, Val's parent's death was connected to Enid Charos's death.

By the way, I'm guessing that the bird of flame thing is a foreshadowing or symbolism of some sort. Since it appears at the end of all 3 scenes.

B) Scene 2!

Haha...the hair ruffling part is soo cute!

Hm...so they did know Enid Charos! Or had at least they have heard about her. She's really becoming a key character in this story, huh? =S Aha...and so her assassination was due to their convictions and protection of slaves, etc...hmm...

By the way, the part where Evander and Val was talking about themselves and their pasts...I thought it was a little to vague or cheem. Or maybe it's me being distracted. Or maybe it's you being your usual vague-y, dropping hints-y. Haha...I mean, some parts of the conversation was quite difficult to understand...though I did understand the part about Evander having no place he belongs to, stuff like that. Still...could use more explanation.

C) Scene 3!

Lol...so cute! I loved this scene...Esp with the fishing and stuff...seriously, Aiden was so suaku and cute! Hahaha...

“We take our eyes off you for just a short moment and you’re already trying to do something suicidal like throwing yourself overboard.”

and

It was no longer thrashing and barely breathing though it seemed to stare back at Aiden in a kind of undisputed hatred.

and

Aiden asked, feeling slightly peeved at being stared down by a slimy creature that was drawing its last breaths before him.

and finally...

“Not at all,” Evander said, his hands working furiously on the fish before him. Once he had freed the hook from the fish’s mouth, he held it up in front of Aiden, saying, “Fish.”

Gosh!! *dies laughing* seriously...super hilarious...esp the last quote. AHAHAHA! Love the sarcastic Evander's interaction with the suaku and childish Aiden XD

And man! You love animals, doncha? But at least, they were apt la... By the way, love the brother-sister relationship between Evander and Valdis...super sweet lor.

Okay...since this is my second review, cos FP deleted my last one (gr! >:[) I might have missed out some stuff in my previous preview.

Meanwhile...great job, update soon...and I shall now go back to obsessing~!

HAHAHAHAHA! *dies laughing*

Scene 1 --Hm...very good. Finally shows us why Alvis and Aiden were not speaking...because of Enid Charos. Gosh, she's really the key, the centre of everything, eh? ;)

"There was a small, awkward footnote on that piece of parchment written by Aiden himself telling his brother not to worry." Aw! Man, so sweet! And so, so sad.

"Alvis recalled that in the weeks leading up to her death, Aiden had been feverishly working on a little gift for the girl. It was a simple gift inline with a fad that had hit the capital then. His brother had spent nearly all day and night trying to carve a simple rune into the face of a small amethyst." Ack ack ack...so sweet!

"Aside from the fact that the amethyst was Enid’s birthstone, giving her a purple gem as a symbol of friendship had seemed rather ironic, to Alvis at least." hm...you really like irony, don't you? Hm...

"However, the only few occasions whereby the brothers exchanged words was during formal occasions or when Aiden was too drunk to actually realise who he was talking to." haha. and so he thinks XD

“Well, this bird has an eccentric sense of humour and audacity to match,”...LOL!! You love using animals, don't you? Little bird...haha. Tweet tweet. But I laughed like crazy at this part.

"Contact Delshad if you need but whether you choose to follow father’s will or make your own judgement is entirely up to you." Hm...this is actually quite...I donno. Shows how Aiden views Alvis, and advises him in a warped kinda way? ... I donno? Haha...brain not functioning properly. ^^

Scene 2 and 3--Gosh...I don't like the king already, and in this scene, I'm beginning to kan(4) bu(4) qi(3) Alvis...donno la. His submissive, passive, allow people to kick him around nature is kinda sad. But really, I think Aiden will definitely make a better king. Alvis is like afraid to step out of his father's shadow, don't dare to try new things and measures, etc.

The king...he sounds corrupted, weak, and like don't have a mind of his own, always getting influenced by others. I get it that he's tired, but yar...can't stand him. So mean and stern to his sons too...haha.

Hm...the queen's death...is it significant? hm...

Scene 4--Hm...quite interesting. I think there's probably going to be a revolt...and yar, the phrase that's circulating around is quite cool. HAHA... yep.

Maybe it's me, but what gypsy encampment? :S Politics, politics. Aunt Tia seems to be quite reliant on Evander and Valdis.

Scene 5--My favorite scene! Haha. I think you know why right? ;)

Gosh...so cute! The "not a morning person" parts were so...aww!! haha...seriously cute.

"He had then proceeded to give each of them a fierce goodbye hug which Valdis had tried in vain to avoid." --dies laughing.

"He had spent a great part of the previous night talking to Evander about cats, dogs and domesticated animals which, to be summarised with one word, was ‘enlightening’." DOGGIE! HAHA. So cute...but the personification's quite good.

"Her last statement caused the young prince to blink a little. Even though she still sounded so distant and formal, it seemed in some ways that the girl was opening up a little more. Was it perhaps because they were heading further away from the capital or was it because they were heading towards… home?" Yay...Valdis's is opening up! She's quite an intriguing character, definitely want to learn more about her! I think she'll probably be one of the big mysteries of this story.

"The sleepy young prince would have ended up in a royal mess on the slippery floor had Valdis not been there to hold him steady." Lol...this is the most hilarious. Royal mess...HAHA! And the sucidal part's super cute lor...Aiden ROCKS! Big time. XD

Haha...wah, Delshad's so...kiasu. Book the whole ship. XD AND LOL! Aiden's seasickness...so hilarious! *dies laughing* ...seriously, you bully the poor guy way too much! XD tsk tsk, shame on you.

A/N--"meaning to say you can expect the action level to be tweaked a little, romance level and maybe the humour level as well." *bounces* yay!

"Anyway, thanks for sitting through my high-ness for the last few chapters. I think I’ve got a caffeine over-dose or something." Coke? LOL!

WOW...a plug! ^^ so nice =P Thankee!

Great job, overall. Please update soon!

(NO COOKIE!)

Awesome chapter!!

Okay, scene by scene analysis, cos it's so long, I think I'll miss out something =P

Scene 1: Not really much to say, more of an intro. Though we got to see more of Aiden...as in the part where how little time he got to spend out of the palace, which shows that he did not interact with the people of Novella much. HM...

Scene 2: HAHA...Delshad is so hilarious...he seriously reminds me of Jack Sparrow of Pirates of the Carribean; colourful, playful, somewhat childish. HAHA...double agent on both counts...LOL.

KITTY! Haha...so cute. Though I'm more of a doggy person too. =)

"Somehow, it seemed to Aiden that her reaction was almost instinctive." XD RIGHTT!

Hmm...is Aiden going to betray Evander and Valdis? Let's hope that the "sending of message" will not, yar? =) And again, I wonder why Aiden fell out with Alvis. =)

"“State secret,” he replied mysteriously, putting a finger to his lips." HAHA...so cute.

"The latter smiled at such a rhetorical question. “To Novella,” he answered as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“A vague answer…”

“A vague answer for a silly question,” the vice-captain answered, smiling smugly to himself."...this reminds me of Firebird, by the way...haha. You should know why right? ;)

Scene 3: Hm...I'm quite intrigued by the flashback. I have a hunch, again. The fact that Enid's POV in the prologue is very similar to Valdis's flashback here...hm... but that probably is when the orphanage was burnt down, yar? ;)

"The Amistad… Aiden had called it a naïve promise and perhaps he was right. After all, the promise of a friendship that would span eternity was so easily broken when her best friend died so many years back." this really made me think...hm...something made me think that Enid Charos was very closely linked with Valdis... hm...

Scene 4: WOW. cheem man...haaha. the cats and dogs analogy is really apt, though I guess I should have expected it sooner, since you're always discussing how dogs rock, and cats...stone? XD HAHA. You get what I mean. Though I thought that part about Aiden's choices was really really interesting. DOGS RULLE!

Lol...I thought the dagger part was really cute. Now we know why she doesn't use rocks instead of daggers, eh?

"Or at least… A dog which dared to bare its fangs…"... hm... HAHA. Great ending to a chapter.

Overall, AWESOME chapter! Seriously, this is getting really really good. Your style of writing has really improved! The character development is fantastic, by the way.

GOOD JOB! UPDATE SOON! ;)

NO COOKIES FOR YA! GO ASK CITHARIA FOR MORE XD, you (r+1)th term lover! ;)

Dramatic. It foreshadows a ton of fantasy violence and reminiscience. I'm going to read more before I say anything.

Very vivid, emotionally-charged prologue that has got me quite intrigued. I really love the way you describe the death and the arson, as well as the girl's hopelessness, her desire to survive, and basically her plight itself, and her emotions. It's a fascinating prologue.I'll read more in a bit, when I don't have homework pressing. ^^

ooh...Cliff notes. Very useful, regarding the significance of each person's name. =)

Lol! And Valdis's name is such a huge irony. She goes around whacking people unconscious with the hilt of daggers, instead of just stabbing them straight. Goddess of death, indeed. XD Makes me think, why don't she just carry sticks around and hurl them at her enemies? =)

*coughs* Aiden rocks! Seriously. *goggled-eyed* o.O cool meaning of his name...FIRE. And I actually never noticed about the whole theme of fire in this story. COOL...MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Erm...must well give a scene by scene analysis, since I'm pretty much incoherent now. X_X too much studying...

1) "After all, seeing that they could start a minor spat on something as small as tea, almost anything was possible." LOL! Poor Aiden. He's probably got a phobia of tea from now on.

"There was no way imaginable that Valdis, Novella’s so-called ‘most wanted criminal’ (for reasons she, herself, wasn’t too sure of), could just waltz into any military office in Elvby and declare that Evander and herself were going to escort Novella’s second prince all the way to Friedhold without them being caught and thrown behind bars. Neither was it feasible for the prince himself to waltz into the office declaring the self-same thing."

LOL again! (1-2-3 step!) XD haha...seriously, the first scene was pretty cute. In terms of the interaction b/w Aiden, Valdis, and Evander.

"Smiling slightly to herself, Valdis shook whatever unhappy thoughts that had resurfaced out of her head. At least Evander had been there when it all happened, like he had been from then to now." Evander rocks... =) So sweet!

2) SO SAD! Gosh...seriously. AHH! All the orphanage burnings and torturing and stuff. Seriously...Acks. But the second scene was also quite...mysterious. As in...all the stuff about Enid Charos...I'm seriously hunch-ing about...*coughs* -censored-

The parts where Aiden was thinking about his best friend, aka Enid Charos, was very very bittersweet. Seriously. AH! One can really tell how much he misses her... =3 And the part where Evander's history came in was so sad. Honestly...Novella is really corrupted.

LOL. More poking fun at Aiden. "Aiden concluded there and then that their silent conversations would drive him to the point of insanity one day." HAHAHAH!!

Hm...Enid Charos. Valdis. HM...

3) LOL! Cross-bow bolts and daggers again...so cute. Good fighting scene there, btw. Kudos!

4) “You don’t need to worry. I didn’t lose your dagger.”, and "Stupid silent conversations…" Reminds me of Kasyan, actually. So cute =)

"Aiden’s eyes wandered back to the charred foundations of the orphanage that once stood there. How would Enid feel or react if she found out that she was responsible for so many other lives as well? That she had not only her own life in her hands but the lives of others as well." OMG. This is seriously so...AH! Oh man!

Wellz, great chapter as usual. I'm loving this more and more as it goes on...and I love the characters! =)

UPDATE SOON! =)

(...too much sugar...for the last couple of...years. *nods* 1-2-3 step!)

Great job on this chapter...I think it was the best one so far :)

Gosh...the flashbacks of Aiden were amazing. Some bittersweet, some very very sad, and some amusing. You really managed to bring out his innocence, and the significance of the Amistad (sorta), and the friendship with the girl (enid chaoros?), which I'm now guessing that the girl plays an important part in the story. :) And the flashbacks also sort of gave us an insight into his past, eg: with Alvis and his dad, etc...

Haha...and the parts where Valdis and Evander were teasing and poking fun at Aiden...gosh, that was so hilarious. And yes, you are bullying Aiden too much...shame on you! :D Just kidding. But I love his character...so far. He's such an idiot...but a very cute idiot nonetheless.

Great job! And hope you update soon! ;)

nice beginning. i like all your descriptions a lot, you put together the words effortlessly and it flows very well. i like the word "amistad" as well - "the friendship" in spanish..anyway, good beginning!

oh gosh...this chapter was fantastic. Very sweet and innocent at some parts, very very sad at others...and not to mention all the hilarious poking fun at Aiden =)

Firstly, the flashback right at the start was very very good. Hm...gives us an insight into Aiden's past, and the significance of the Amistad. =) Not to mention that first chunk totally made me go "Aw..." Haha. Seriously, Aiden was so cute, and sweet, and adorably innocent when he was young. The young girl reminds me of Valdis, seriously. =) And for a glorious moment, I really thought that Aiden and Valdis were childhood buddies who thought each other were dead =P But the ending part..."Except that, for the girl – his best friend with beautiful dark hair and ever changing eyes – ‘tomorrow’ never came…" Oh man...that was seriously so sad. =(

second scene...need I say it again? It's those little stuff that Evander does which makes him THE ideal big-brother =) Though:

"The relationship between the two seemed so close and almost acted as a painful reminder of how close he should have been with his brother. A painful reminder of what he had decided to throw away since that day, so many years ago…"

This part made me wonder...it seemed to be indicating that Aiden's and Alvis's relationship had soured...I guess we'll see later =)

Third scene: Hm...all the rebellious prince stuff. Cool relationship b/w Alvis and Aiden, which makes me wonder again, if they grew distant with each other...what happened? =) *stupid girl* Ok...hope to read more about that anyway :D

"The flames that raged and seemed to be reaching out in a frantic effort to reach the sky would haunt his dreams for perhaps the rest of his lifetime."

AH! *cries*

4th scene: "The memory of the small corpse of a little girl, charred almost beyond recognition… holding onto a silver chain in her hand…"

Oh gosh...this part seriously made me go =( ...ah! EVIL! so darn tragic! *whacks*

5th scene: LOL! TEA~! Aiden seriously rocks...I tell you, I laughed like anything for this chapter.

"Determined not to get beaten by such an everyday object, he took another sip again." XD

"Valdis figured her older brother must have been in a very strange mood that morning, with all the constant talk about tea…" =D =D

Haha...Aiden's so fun to poke fun at. =)

Ok...I shall stop babbling. Aiden's officially my faviourite character...LOL. AND ABSOLUTELY NO COOKIES, YOU'LL GROW FAT. NOPE!

HAHAHAHA...ok. Hope you update soon, awesome job! (me hoping for another mad and fast update =D)

hahahahaha! this chapter is hilarious... n dont mind if i talk crap bcos my eyes are like that now: X.X

Aiden and Valdis!

"she took hold of one end of the crossbow bolt and forcefully yanked it out of the offending prince."

“You didn’t have to be so rough with it,” he complained gingerly pressing his other hand against his numb shoulder.

I was laughing so loudly when i read this part that my brother thought i went nuts...

well its my favourite chapter so far!

hmm... I have a feeling that Aiden and Valdis were childhood friends or something... n that he gave the pendant to her... i dunno... guess i have to wait until your next update eh?

good use of words, great description and definitely good humour in this chapter!! looking forward to the next update!