Reviews for All About Improvement

Reviews For: All About Improvement

PoeticRagdoll 2006-06-26 ch 2,	abuseI like this story so far! i cant wait to read more! update soon!
kAIT REDFERN 2005-09-02 ch 1,	abuseI think possibly you could lengthen it out more and add more of her thoughts as she takes in the devastating scene. Certain sentences in the first paragraph sounded a little just not quite right. Maybe if you read through you might see what I mean. I like the actual storyline, how you decribed the flames and the fact even though she was in shock she continued to approach the house- something that in similar situations has been known to happen. I didn't notice any spelling mistakes and the end line carries a lot of feeling and really packs a punch for the reader. The subject is a terrifying one as anybody can picture what it would be like to have such a thing happen to them. Being too late and powerless to help those that she loved the most must be heart wrenching. I hope you add more to this soon. Luv Kaitx
An Inside Joke 2005-07-23 ch 1,	abuseThe end was heartbreaking, but at the beginning, some of your sentences were pretty clumbsy. For example, two of your sentences read "The crowd was huge, just standing there gaping at this monstrosity. Not doing anything to help due to the barricades." Maybe instead, you could have condensed the writing to "The huge crowd just stood there, gaping at the monstrsity. The couldn't do anything to help due to the barricades." It's good that you're working on your description (I have problems with that, too), but I think your writing will improve if you just keep writing and working on it. A question about the story itself- how did the girl relate to the family. The graves included a mother, a father, a sister/daughter, and another daughter- was Melody Meridith's granddaughter, and the main charecter Merdith's daughter and Melody's mother? That part wasn't quite clear, although the rest was.

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