Reviews for Autumn's Beginning

Reviews For: Autumn's Beginning - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Getuie 2005-11-07 ch 16,	abuseI spent a great deal of time today reading through your story. Allow me to be a little critical first (if you don't mind) that way I can overload you with the best part (praise) last ;-) You probably won't do it to your posted piece here on FP (lots of effort for little gain), but go slowly through your story and just fix the typos. There are several in a single chapter and while they can be overlooked by the reader, it does cause some distraction from your story. There's often things like you writing 'he' instead of 'she' or simple things that gives the reader a moment's pause or confusion even. I think the two "stories" were well thought out and while they fit in with each other, I have to admit that it was a bit of an abrupt transition. I would suggest more clues and more things going on in the main story (with Autumn) that could build up to where the two parts merge. Two events aren't enough in my opinion... Maybe some other smaller things could give more hints or something so that it's not that abrupt. (okay that's about as critical as I'm going to get, let me get to the good part now :P) I absolutely loved how you used the first portions of each chapter to give that little peek into the past. That was absolutely brilliant. I also loved Autumn's personality. I would say that being on the receiving end of her sarcasm wouldn't be fun at all, but reading it was amusing and entertaining. I especially liked the words she used when refering to Jack (like Jesus boy)... I have the habit of adding 'boy' when refering to someone so I was particularly amused. The kitchen scene with her praying to God was powerful. It had all the right elements in there. I also loved the loving interactions between Jack and Autumn... I liked how they would joke and be playful and then can switch to being serious... you've really made an incredible flow between them which I liked. Your descriptions were also very good. I felt as if I was watching more than reading the story. And again... I'm quite jealous of the first person perspective you have used in the story. I can't do that. I'm quite horrible at it. So that's a good thing ;) All in all, an awesome story. A piece you should be proud of. Well done!
Getuie 2005-11-06 ch 1,	abuseA good solid first chapter... There was a few things here and there that I could get nitpicky about... (like using the word robbers instead of burglars, refering to she when you should use 'I') but it's things you could pick up if you read carefully through it again. I like the description you've used. I am quite envious of the great use of first person perspective in this piece. (I'm awful at it) reads on
Saskia Tielens 2005-10-31 ch 16,	abuseWow-quite a story. I'm really impressed. You incorporate God into your stories in a way I've never been able to, and you manage to mix in some mystery and psychology and romance in as well! This makes a very good read.
KimHua 2005-10-15 ch 16,	abuseWow... just... wow. :-) That was awesome! And to think that I was sitting here reading, thinking it was going to be a fairly "ordinary" story. :-) I certainly didn't expect THAT twist... I've said this in another review for a different story - I'm not sure of a Christian dating a non-Christian from a biblical perspective... okay, so they weren't actually dating, but they got awfully close to it! :-) Anyway, it was a wonderful story. Oh, one thought - what happened to Lauren in chapter 13?
The Postscript 2005-07-28 ch 16,	abuseWonderful way to end. This was one of the best stories I've read on here! Keep writing...definitly.
The Postscript 2005-07-28 ch 15,	abuseGood chapter...again. This is really a wonderful story and I've really enjoyed reading it!
The Postscript 2005-07-28 ch 14,	abuseAw...the beginning side-story really gets you in the mood of the story, "He kissed her one more time, and only one of them knew that it was going to be their last." Sad... Those words "choked down a sob." are written wonderfully, I don't know what makes me say that...it's just great writing altogether. This whole plot is unraveling a little too quickly...and it's making it just a tiny bit confusing. Like I've said before (probably so many times it's annoying now!) take your time to make it clear. It's worth it with such a good plot. Beautiful ending...I look forward to reading more of this! It keeps getting better!
The Postscript 2005-07-28 ch 13,	abuseGeez, you have on heck of an amazing gift to do transitions just beautifully...from the side story with Ausha to Autumn's story. That was wonderful transition. Um...the whole thing about reliving the past and the thing with the Hunters is really confusing. Where are they? Tony's Pizza or the Hunter's house? How did they get there? Agh...I don't know if I just missed something...And isn't Audrey older than Autumn? That's kind of strange to have a younger sister explaining what happened to an older sister. In that paragraph that begins with "I gasped as I heard footfalls" you need to clear up who is talking because it's not obvious. Good chapter, you're keeping the suspence alive well. Look forward to reading more.
The Postscript 2005-07-26 ch 12,	abuseYou make Audrey just the right character for Autumn...they can talk, they can joke, they can trust. You have really used the character Audrey to the fullest. Just an observation-they watch a lot of movies. You put it so nicely that Autumn is now a Christian and she has learned to forgive, and so she forvies Kathryn. It really adds to the story itself. Way to go. Good middle and end to this...I look forward to reading more of it. Keep writing.
The Postscript 2005-07-26 ch 11,	abuse..."This is so awesome, Autumn! I'm so happy you made this choice. Now you can date Jack." That line really made me laugh. How did we get from commiting to God to commiting to dating Jack?! Hmm...I don't agree with the whole, "A Christian can not date/marry a non-believer or you'll break their heart" but that's just my personal opinion and the beliefs on which I was raised. The characters assuming it was a murder attempt is really disturbing, becuase I wouldn't assume something like that, but you as an author have given facts to support it, so I guess it's okay. I'm both predicting and hoping that some more conflict arises soon, because if everything is this comfortable for the last few chapters... At the part where Audrey is looking at the magizine, you write, "and I screamed again" which Autumn hasn't yet screamed, to my knowledge. But um...I'm being picky again...sorry about that. And wouldn't it hurt Autumn to jump up and down and even run to Audrey? If not, they say so, because the band-aid part doesn't give us much of a clue since you mention she's going through boxes of band-aids. Beautifully written part about Jack showing up at the door with a rose. Aw...that's so sweet of Jack to buy her a dress! Where does he get all this money to buy her things?! Wonderful chapter, again. I look forward to reading more.
The Postscript 2005-07-26 ch 10,	abuseAgh, I had a whole review for this chapter already but then I had to go do stuff for my parents...anyway...um...I think what I was going to say was that the thing with Autumn and Jack fighting, er arguing, or whatever you would call their sarcastic remarks is getting a little old. It's really making the plot less intersting and taking away from the tension you build with the haunted pizza place. It's also kind of creepy Jack keeps stalking her, I mean...doesn't he have a life of his own to live? I would be so freaked out if I was Autumn. Aw...you're getting me choked up the the story about cancer, I know so many people in my own life who have died of cancer. Beautifully written part. You made Autumn's acceptance of Christianity come around wonderfully.It all flows, and I feel as if I am just sitting next to her. In that paragraph that begins with "My head's buzzing" you need to mention who 'her' and 'she' is, because even though the reader knows, Jack doesn't...at least Autumn never told him. The part about Jack coming over and explaing Christianity to Autumn is written wonderfully. The line "My sister never tried that one..." is ended by a 'she said,' when I think it should be 'I said' becuase Autumn was talking, not a narrartor. Beautiful prayer, and wonderful chapter. Great work.
Needa S 2005-07-25 ch 1,	abuseCool story. I posted a short story, but it isn't well written as yours. You are doing a great job. I'll be back to read more when I have more time. Keep up the wonderful work. God Bless. Needa S.
The Postscript 2005-07-25 ch 9,	abuseAnother good chapter, you tend to rush things now, but I think that might just be because it's an exciting part or something. It's kind of odd how much Autumn talks to Kendal...but I don't really think that is a big deal. Great job with this.
The Postscript 2005-07-25 ch 8,	abuseAside from a few typos, this was good. It does get a little plain, though, when it's just Autumn and Jack arguing back and forth, being sarcastic, getting angry with each other, etc. The ending was superb, though. I look forward to reading more.
The Postscript 2005-07-25 ch 7,	abuseAnother wonderful chapter...there are so many things you include that keep me drawn to this-from Autumn's past to the haunted apartment. Great job.

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