FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| simpletonsgrin 2005-11-03 ch 5,  | abuseI liked it. Minimalist, in a way, but also somehow confused even psychadelic. Liked the bare dialogue. I loved the last little bit there, especially "I can still feel him, cold like a missing arm" Great work, again. I'm so nice to you- I feel so underappreciated (*chortles*) adios. -simpleton btw (Dan de Kok? You would have fit in perfectly with my guyfriends.) |
| simpletonsgrin 2005-10-13 ch 1, | abuseArgh. You have me, and it's *so* unfair. Like those last two lines "This is the story of our last fling, thing, whatever. It'll take some time. It's very important to me." Reading those, I had some sort of reaction that consisted of a snort, a giggle, and a swoon. It was subtle, but wonderful. The rest was, of course, lovely. It's just the fact that you got me with something so plain. I feel cheated somehow. I guess I'll have to survive- after all, there are more chapters to be read. Keep it up. -simpleton |
| heroin zombie 2005-08-02 ch 1, | abuseHere's a simple sentence: ** off. You've already sent me that review, and I've told you to stop emailing me politely. You're a adult. You have kids. Leave me the hell alone. |
| alexR 2005-08-02 ch 1, | abuseYou’re obviously ambitious, and given how young you are – you may have bright future ahead of you. But there’s a lot you have yet to learn. My guess is that you try to have your own unique style. I think - no I read it somewhere and I agree - that one may work on one’s style, after one had learned how to write properly first. It's like learning to run before you learn to walk - usually you'd stumble. Style must be used consciously. You must be aware of it, and rule it - not let it rule you. Otherways it's not style - it's manierism. And you can achieve that, if you know how to use simple words in simple sentencies. Instead you overload your work with uncommon words, that mean something else than a reader would instinctively expect. People who dig on “stylish” writing may enjoy that, but that’s niche. I’m not saying it’s bad – it just depends on who do you want to write for. If you want to have few readers who would consider you words-magician, then it’s fine. Continue developing your style. If you write only for your own satisfaction, then it’s even better. But if you want more people to take pleasure in you stories, you should rewrite them to more simple language, and ban your style for a few years. If you return to it when you’re thirty – it will flourish. Wish you luck. .Y PS You do not fear objective outlook on your writing or constructive critique, do you? |
| Breck 2005-07-27 ch 2, | abuseWowsers, that was weird... but AWESOME weird. Congrats for thinking of that - super bizarro, I tells ya. Your mind is on speed. I likes. Psychic trains? I just don't get it, man... But wow. Great to see something that I have ABSOLUTELY never seen before. |
| Apollyion 2005-07-26 ch 2, | abuseHahahahahahahahaha!Are you serious? |