FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Sea Witch 2006-12-01 ch 1,  | abuseI really like it. I like how the poem shifts from saying that the person is nothing to that the person is everything. I like how it keeps that contradiction throughout the poem, as though it's cycling but not quite going back to where it started. I think a couple changes with the line breaks would make it more effective though. I think you should change"free for as long/as I hear nature screaming" to "free/for as long as I hear nature screaming" because it puts the focus on the word "free" but on the next line you learn that being free is conditional, and you're not entirely free. I think you should change "free when I run/through time" to "free/when I run through time" for the same reason. |
| strawberry memories 2006-04-21 ch 1, | abusei totally agree with every word! confusion is what makes us human. we are all, in truth, double sided. |
| Isi FE 2005-12-09 ch 1, anon. | abuseGOOD! THIS IS FANTASTIC! i know, i sound crazy, but i'm typing as fast as i can to get everything doqn! omg! i wanted to scream when the floew was tso choppy! arghh - beautiful poem - it struck a chord in me, and a pretty horrific chord that was too! don't get me wrong, i love this poem! it just makes me so tensiony! DON'T BE FREAKED OUT! i always overreact when i come across something absolutely fantastic. if ther are typos, forgive me, i'm typin like a maniac! omg, what can i say? POWERFULPOWERFULPOWERFUL! I felt like racing somewhere, hate and love, best lines ever! arghh - a bewildered, unbewildered and utterly emotionful Ife |