I can see where this is going. It's a good prologue. I don't think you made any noticable (rememberable?) mistakes on this one. I like it and would read more.

It's really cool. The description you read before clicking the title to read the story is good (most people have trouble with those), and you worked hard to make it good, with no typos or incorrect grammar. And it's descriptive. I particularly like the last 3 sentences.

I like it a lot and I can't wait for you to post more!