FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| LittleChoLo 2006-01-24 ch 1,   | Thanks for reviewing my 'ya ee moy homyak' poem. It's interesting to find people who can understand the language! I like what you've got going on at the beginning: each line beginning with 'my'. That was cleverly done, although I felt that 'my soul' would have been better as another one of these, although I appreciate how hard it is to keep to the metre and the rhyme scheme. Although 'soul' doesn't quite rhyme with 'Istanbul', I commend you for it, because I can't stand forced rhymes. Favourite line:"how cloying incense smell’d" I love the word 'cloying' and how it personifies the incense, and also the alliteration of 'incense' and 'smelled'. It would be great if you could incorporate more alliteration and metaphors to extend your use of imagery. |
| Black Hellebore 2005-10-09 ch 1, | Aw... The rhymes. They get my every time. Some of it feels a little cumbersome at time, but it's mostly okay-ish. Not one of my great favorites (actually, I liked your other poem more, XD) but it was definetly worth reading. Nice how you wrote it, too. The names of the places adds magic to them, if you can see past the weird-ness of that statement to see my point XD Ciao, muchachos! |