FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| i hOld tHe kEys oF lifE 2005-10-24 ch 1,   | wow... this one is... its deep... you know? its just telling about three minutes of this girls life... realy, I like this... ...aleX.. |
| MistiWhitesun 2005-08-03 ch 1, | That's a very nice job, with both the idea and the execution of it. It's a bit tricky, the method you chose to do this, and after a week or two of not reading it I suggest you look back over it watching for verb tense problems. Some phrase tightening would probably help, too; the emotions get a little strained in some places 'cause of mild wordiness. (An easy problem to fall into; I fight it.) (Also, a comma comes before the conjunction in compound sentences; if you need an explanation, feel free to contact me.) I'm highly technical, so I notice those types of things, but I've also noticed that you have a better grasp on grammar than most I read. All in all, an enjoyable read. Keep writing! :) |