Wonderful story! It's very creative. One thing; transitions are...non-exsistant. There's no way to tell when you're on one setting from the next when you switch. Just put a line under it or something else to signal that it's a different story going on. Other than that, nothing! Although I noticed it hasn't been updated since March...Aw man...^^ I hope that I inspiried you to write more...it's a very creative story. Keep going please?

Greetings. Corrections are in square brackets:

'I have [no] explanation as to how or why, but I can get inside the computers.'

'I can almost hear the alarms the monitor my brain waves going off.' -- I think this would sound better as 'I can almost hear the alarms from my brain wave monitor going off.'

'I wonder if I was this much of a troublemaker [in] my last life'

'I know what I feel and I know [I] should remember you'

I can't help but feel that there should be a little more about them leaving the building, even if it's just a paragraph. But other than that, this was good. There is so much mystery about what they did to Des.

Regarding your comment in your review about your writing not being able to compare to mine... I've been writing for about 8 years now, and it's a constant learning process. I doubt you've been writing that long; give yourself just another year or two, and you'd be amazed at the difference in writing quality. Anyway, this story is good, so don't knock yourself down.

Oh, exciting, interesting, all that great stuff I expected! More story, more story!

This is really cool! I love the plotline so far (and the computer talk gives it a great sci-fi edge) I shall be watching for more!

I like this a lot. It reminds me of the older versions of my sotry Indigo Doll House towards the beginning. :)