EH? Porque no updating? Andale. Andale. And what is a centella? I'm too lazy to check the dictionary. I make up words all the time. I hope you made this one up. Hehe. Anyway, you must entertain me with more well... entertaining chapters! I am waiting... hehe. no pressure.

wow, i love how you reverse the cliche. really really creative! the only thing that was confusing at first was "Even several days of staring at him would leave one dazzled on how a man could be so pretty." Well..if no one knows he's a man, why would they wonder how a man is so pretty? Anyway..cool :)

great beginning, your plot seems really interesting and unusual. i've never really read a story about "a young man raised as a convent girl." good job :)

I love Vera's character. She's one of those bitchy yet adorable old ladies. Anyway, I found it a pity that you avoided detailed imagery of the marketplace scene. The bustling atmosphere might have painted the setting within which your characters grew up in. Also, I wished for greater decription that would add mystery to the rescuer. A few vague but intriguing descriptions would have drawn in the reader more and wonder about that horseman... and consequently anticipate your next chapter.

I'm still enjoying this story. :)

Another good chapter! I like how you keep delaying his twin's arival, it brings a sense of suspense, yet we already have a good idea that the masked rider is his twin. At the end you started to put distress into Uriel's tone,(as if he was to go after the masked rider) and then cut it off. It would have been nice to see that thought expanded. And the dream sequence was rather confusing as well.

Good luck with the next chapter!

I love this story, so I'll go through it with a fine tooth comb, or something else indicative of carefulness! And...begin!

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“Joline?”

Uriel could hear her sniffles and broken sobs in the inky blackness. Fear and tension gripped his heart as he groped blindly for his friend in the dark. Why was it so dark, anyway? The scent of salt and rotting meat permeated the air, making it hard to breathe. Somehow, even though he felt panicked and tense, it all seemed familiar to him.

Wait... There had been a tsunami thirteen years ago...and he had been trapped in a storage room with Joline. They had only been six-year-olds then. He felt for the walls. Yes, this was the closet where Healer Vera kept her spices. This was nothing but a dream, a fragment from the past come back to him at night.

Pain lanced into his foot and forced him to stumble back, as he hopped around on one foot to nurse the other. If this was a dream, why did the shards of glass feel so real? Joline screamed when he stumbled over her small body, which was huddled in a corner. She was trembling.

“Calm down, it’s me!” Uriel heard himself say as he knelt down next to her.

Two small hands touched his face and he could hear Joline stop crying. She still sniffled, but she sounded like she was no longer as afraid as she had been.

“U...riel?”

“That’s right,” he replied reassuringly, clasping her hands with his. He grinned at her, even though he knew she couldn’t see his face in the pitch-black room.

“Uriel, I’m scared,” Joline whimpered, her voice a whisper. “They’re going to get me...I’ve been good too...really.”

“No one’s going to hurt you,” he told her, hugging her quivering form tightly. “I promise.”

“But the dark shadows...” Joline whispered, her voice faltering and dying as a rumble began to climb up from the ground. “Uriel!” she cried, flinging her arms around him.

“It’s an aftershock, Joline...don’t be afraid.” The stool next to them slid away as the closet began to shake, nearly throwing them up like toys on a blanket. Something struck the door from the outside as the room jerked to and fro. Jars from the shelves fell to the gound shattered on the floor with devastating clarity. Uriel tightened his embrace, protecting Joline’s head with his own. He clamped his eyes shut when he heard the shelves above them groan. “Don’t be afraid...I promise...I won’t let anything happen to you!”

-

I'm sorry writing this chapter was so hard for you! I thought it was a great chapter. The dream was written a little weird but everything else was so perfect! I love how your characters act, it's awesome. You made a few mistakes with tense and stuff in the dream part, but that was it.

Please write more!

Actually, this story is really interesting. The first chapter adds a lot of mystery, and I like how your characters act. Very natural. Only one thing, in Chapter Two you wrote:

“How come you left me at the temple?’ Uriel’s new companion demanded her gray eyes flashing.

You should have a comma between ''demanded'' and ''her''.

Otherwise, I'm very interested to see what will happen next, because this is a very well-written story.

I LIKE this story. ^O^ Fancy you thinking of this predicament for Uriel. LOLOL. I definitely love your writing style in this one, how it reads along lightly and clearly, and especially your descriptions of both scenery and what the characters are feeling. The only thing I have to say is perhaps you can add more to a character's thoughts, make 'em meatier. Keep posting!

I'm glad that Uriel, although effeminate in appearance, isn't too girly to hoist baskets around. His dreams of leaving and finding adventure is also charmingly boyish. Well, he certainly got his adventure, what with that creature mauling him like that. However, I expected the attack to be more horrific than that, at least cause some thumping in the reader's heart as the character was attacked. Perhaps a more detailed account could spice up that encounter? About the "rescuer", he was not exactly Prince Charming, which is good because that would be too hackneyed. Still, he wasn't exactly intriguing enough to anticipate like most heroes should be n their debut, especially rescuing our pretty lad like that.

Interesting chapter all in all. The major plot finally picked up.

Who can resist pretty boys? I know I can't. Uriel is just adorable in this chapter. There's that dilemma of possibly never getting a girlfriend, and that mysterious past just looms closer and closer.

(An Uriel - Joline match is utterly charming, but I get the feeling that this will turn into slash... I wonder why...)

It's an interesting prologue. It makes me wonder about that mysterious twin brother, and that pink birthmark signifies. Perhaps an ancient prophecy? Hopefully you progress this, and then I'll know. :)

Still the mysterious rider eludes us! The only thing that I could see improvement in, is making the battle scene longer, and more descriptive. I'm looking forwards to the next chapter.

A beautiful instalment. The soft touch of humour at the end really made the ending of the chapter peaceful. I can't wait to see who the mysterious rider is!

I love the idea for the story, I can easily see lots of twists and turns that can be made with such a plot to make it both hilarious and exhilarating. The only thing that had me slightly confused was the beginning.

As she crossed the square, she made out a figure already there.“Gods Mora,” the priestess whispered, as she embraced the young woman with one arm.

I found this particular part quite confusing because there was never a part showing them close together, the comment 'she made out a figure already there.' seemed more like registering Kasha's presence than Mora running into Kasha.Besides that I love the plot so far, and am anxiously waiting the instalment!

ohlahlah! Must continue. Thou must keep writing! Only good stuff comes from thy pen. :)